Category Archives: discipleship

discipleship, soul care, thankfulness

Lies We Hear in Our Heads and the Answers God Has for Them

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A couple months ago, I gave a seminar at a winter conference with this title. I was blown away by how many people came. I was expecting 40 at the most, and there were close to 120 in attendance! I was thinking if there were that many people at a conference who wanted these tools, perhaps there are still more people who do and I could share it through my blog post. In this post, we will look at some of the common lies we hear in our heads and I will offer some tools on how to combat them.

Do you want to know a secret? You know which tool is the best one to battle lies? The one you use! There are a lot of excellent resources on dealing with intrusive thoughts and lies. Not any one is the perfect answer to take it all away, as only Jesus himself is the answer. What I want to share with you are some tried and true tools I personally use and teach in this battle with our thoughts. It’s important to remember that this is a battle, and rarely a “one and done” deal. As you keep using the tools and learning to master them, you’ll continue to find more and more freedom from the onslaught of lies.

I’ve noticed that the lies we hear in our heads generally have to do with two areas. Either:

–        Our identity (I am a failure, I am worthless, I am not wanted, etc..)

–        Our circumstances (what if __________________)

Much of the time, the lies can be recognized by the negative feelings that come with them. One of my mentors shared with me that her mentor years ago told her “Discouragement is from the Devil”. As I’ve contemplated that, I agree. Satan is described in Scriptures as the father of lies (John 8:44) and he sets out to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10) because he hates God’s image bearers. Satan is also a counterfeit fisherman. He knows which “bait” of lies to use to lure us into negative thinking. Just as a fisherman knows which bait to use for different kinds of fish, so also Satan uses different lies unique to us and our experiences.

Thankfully, we are not left alone. God has given us power and resources to fight off the lies from the enemy. I want to first share a few Scriptures to set the foundation about dealing with the lies in our heads. Then I’ll share with you a couple different tools to help make them practical.

Actions (Commands from Scripture):

Phil 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Rom 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

2 Corin 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

As we do these actions (commands from scripture) of: choosing to not be anxious, renewing our mind, taking thoughts captive, thinking about things that are true, right, pure, etc…, there are some results we are promised from Scripture. 

Results (Promises from Scripture):

Isa 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace
     those whose minds are steadfast,
     because they trust in you.

Phil 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

You may be asking, “how do I get there, to the “peace” promised in Scripture, a steadfast mind instead of one with swirling lies and the ensuing discouragement?” It starts with capturing the lies swirling in our thoughts and replacing it with truth.

An analogy that I find helpful is one of a mud mountain. As kids, did you ever make mud pies and mud mountains? Imagine that you build a large pile of mud into the biggest mountain you could muster and then pour water over the top and watch it run down. If you keep pouring water on it, it keeps going down those initial pathways, creating deeper and deeper ruts. If you want the water to go in a different direction, it’s not enough to just build a little dam in your dirt to stop it. The water will still go down that same rut and break through the dam you made.  The pattern of lies is like water going down a mountain of dirt. The more we think a certain way, the deeper the rut becomes. It’s not enough to build a dam by only stopping the thoughts. Our thoughts will build up behind it and eventually break through. We also need to redirect our thoughts. Just as we need to create a new path for the water to go down, we need a new path for our thoughts to go.  This is why we need to take thoughts captive, make them obedient, and renew them.

Here are three tools that I use often for myself and with the students and staff I disciple.

–        Truth/lie grid

–        What if to Even if

–        Thanksgiving

The first is the truth lie grid. This graphic isn’t the best in this blog post, but if you follow this link to a discipleship manual I put together, you can find it on page 87.

In the first column you will see listed some common lies we tend to believe. The second column Is the truth to believe instead, and the third column are some Scriptures to support that truth.  I recommend picking one lie from the first column to start with that you find consistently being thrown at you. Write down on a 3×5 card the corresponding truth statement and also write out one of the corresponding scripture verses. Begin memorizing that truth along with the scripture verse. Then after a few weeks, pick another lie to begin to replace with truth and memorize that statement and a corresponding scripture.

A second tool that I’ve found helpful is changing the “what if’s” to “even if, then God, because God is __________.”

“What if…”

“Even if ______________________, then God _______________________________  because God is __________________________.

Here are a few of the “what if’s” I’ve heard from college students recently and how they can be changed to “even if…”

What if I fail these two classes? Instead, even if I fail 2 of my classes, then God still has a plan for my education. Nothing I can do in success or failure can thwart his plans. He will work something else out and I can keep looking to Him instead of looking at my failures or trying to figure it out on my own. Because God is good, and can only be good.

What if I don’t have enough energy to get everything done. Even if I don’t have the energy to get all the things done, then God will provide what I need. Maybe it’s the energy, maybe it’s extra time, maybe it’s perspective that they don’t need to be done anyway. God knows all things and He knows what I need and He will provide it, because He is my provider.

Even if my family member won’t listen to reason, then God can get a hold of her heart and create repentance because God is the Creator, and can create something out of nothing, then I can trust Him to create a repentant heart where there is none.

Even if Republicans, even if Democrats, take control of the Senate, and they pass laws I disagree with, then God will still take care of me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. My security is in Him, not in a political party.

When we think about the “what if’s” we are thinking about things that are not currently true. They are things that “could be” true, but the Bible is clear: Phil 4:8 Think about whatever is true. What would the opposite of true be? False. Or Fantasy.

 I used to frequently have bad dreams, and shortly after my daughter was born the dreams were usually about some kind of harm coming to her. I had a choice at that moment, to entertain that thought, which I had been doing and then it would lay me flat in my emotions and ruin my morning, or even my day. Or I could declare it not true, declare the truth that right now, in that moment she was currently safe in her crib, and always safe in God’s hands and reject the thought. Once I had done enough “capturing those thoughts” the bad dreams ceased. And if they did sneak back in, I was super quick to capture the untrue thought and choose to believe the truth.

One other false or fantasy thought that Satan likes to use is speculation. It’s a big trigger for negative thinking! Whenever I speculate what I think a person is thinking of me, or even speculate a general “them” or “they”, I am not walking in truth. I am walking in a lie. Speculation gets us in trouble quickly because it’s false, it’s a lie. I cannot know what a person is thinking unless they have told me.

There’s even a “noble” speculation when we worry about someone else’s situation. I’ll worry about my mom, or my friends’ heartaches, and unless I talk to them, I don’t have a clear picture of what’s going on, or what God may already be up to in their lives. Typically, when I can talk to them and find out how they are really doing, the anxiety lessens because I am focusing on what is true and rejecting the speculation. Take captive the thoughts that are untrue, even if they “could be” true, and choose not to speculate.

A third tool: thanksgiving

In Phil 4:6, Paul says to present our requests to God with thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is one of the quickest and easiest tools to use to capture thoughts and renew our minds. When I’m thankful, it brings me to the right here and right now. To what is true, pure, right, lovely, admirable, praiseworthy, etc… When we are thankful, it awakens us to God’s presence and begins to replace the lies.

Keep practicing these tools. And you don’t have to do it alone. As useful as these tools are, sometimes we need help knowing how to use it. I am constantly dealing with lies. We all will deal with lies repeatedly this side of heaven. I can use these tools effectively, but sometimes the lies or the anxiety that comes with them can be overwhelming. It’s in those moments that I need a few hours or even days of talking and processing with God, often times with my mentor, as well as having people praying for me and with me until I could finally get to the “even if, then God.” I hope these tools are simple enough to understand, but I recognize they are not always easy to use. It takes practice to learn how to use any tool well, and lots and lots of practice to master a tool.

discipleship, God's plan

You Are Not Enough, and that’s a good thing

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A couple years ago while hosting a women’s retreat, we set out adult coloring pages that had encouraging words written with beautiful fonts and fleury backgrounds to color in. One of the pages touted “You are Enough”. It just didn’t sit well with me in the moment.

I’ve continued to see various memes of this sentiment, sometimes even scrolled with other truthful statements like “you are beautiful”, “you are worthy”. And this past summer, most of the world got to chuckle at the amusing “I am Kenough” from the Barbie movie. One of my friends shared with me that she drives by a church near her home that has “you are enough’ on their signage outside.

You are enough. I am enough. An easy motto to repeat over and over. I’ve even come across some catchy, empowering songs on Spotify with this title to get you motivated and hyped up, exclaiming: “this is my jam!”  And you know what? It IS helpful in moments. I can dig deep, pull through, and discover in some moments that I am enough, I had what it takes. That I had the courage to speak up; or the ability to bite my tongue. That I could study hard enough to pass the exam, or press on long enough to finish the project.

Did you know that if you repeat anything enough, whether it’s a truth or a lie, it becomes true to you?

These words seem so true, and they are everywhere, but are they really true? What happens though when reality hits hard, and reveals how not enough we are?

We don’t have enough energy to handle the people or situations in our lives
We don’t have enough intelligence or wisdom to know if we are making the right decision
We don’t have enough information, despite all the information the world can offer right at our fingertips
We don’t have enough patience, or control, or_________________ (fill in the blank)

We do have a lot, sometimes more than we realize, but what happens when we hit that limit? Where do we go?

The best place to go is to God and His word. God says we are a lot of things, but one of them that we are not, is enough.
You are not enough.

You are complete in Christ (Col. 2:10), you are loved (Rom. 5:8), you are known (1 Corin 13:12), you are assured all things work together for your good (Rom. 8:28), you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Phil 4:13), etc… But the fact that we are not enough, and the fact that we are any of these other things in Christ, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, unless we know who God is.

A book that has really helped me grasp the character of God is None Like Him by Jen Wilkin. The first character of God that Jen highlights is that God is infinite. She shares how we love to measure things as humans, it give us a sense of control and a level of comfort. When we measure something we can know it’s limit and what to do about it or with it. We can measure just about everything in our world. I love that! In college, I pursued a chemistry major along with a math minor and I continually enjoy that everything can be assigned a number: temperature (its 32 F outside and 80% chance of snow), time (its 10 am), distance (it’s about 1.2 miles from the campus to our house), membership (there are 18 relatives on my side of the family and around 250 relatives on my husband’s side). But have you ever considered that we cannot measure God?

Job 11:7-9: Can you find out the deep things of God?
Can you find out the limit to the Almighty?

There is no limit to Him, and therefore He cannot be measured.

Ps. 145:3 Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable.

Unsearchable, which means He is unmeasureable.

Isa 40:12-13 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
    or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
    or weighed the mountains on the scales
    and the hills in a balance?
13 Who can fathom the Spirit of the Lord,
    or instruct the Lord as his counselor?

As Jen writes, “put succinctly, who has measured everything? God has. Who has measured God? No one.”

If you think about, the concept of “Am I enough”, is a term of measurement. Have I measured up?

Jen goes on to write “Our whole lives as Christ-followers are to be given over to the identification and celebration of the limits God has ordained for us. He lovingly teaches them to us through his Word, through trials, through discipline. He humbles us through these means to remind us that we are not him, nor is anyone or anything else we know.”

Before I read this book, I was aware of several places I was limited. But after reading this book and looking at the character of God that she develops in this book, I realized there isn’t one single aspect of my life where I am NOT limited. God has placed limits on every single thing in our lives and in our created world, because only He is limitless, only He is self-sufficient, only He is enough.

If I were enough, I wouldn’t need a Savior. If you were enough, you wouldn’t need a Savior either. There is a danger in this phrase “I am enough” because it sets me up to be my own mini-god. I may as well exclaim “I am God.” I am effectively saying that I don’t need God because I am enough. Where it’s the opposite that is true, I need God because I am not enough. My limits are given to me by God so that I will go to Him, first for salvation and then to continue to go to Him, every day, to experience Him, to do life with Him! You are not enough and it’s a good, good thing, because it’s an invitation to come to God, again and again.

When you feel anxious or overwhelmed, those emotions are a warning indicator that you have reached a limit in your life. It’s similar to a warning light or beep in your car. You could ignore it and push through and risk your car falling apart, or you could take it in to a mechanic. We also can either try to push through and risk collapsing under the weight of anxiety, or we can go to God.

There’s a viral video on instagram I saw a while back that encouraged me greatly. I don’t know anything about her except that her name is Athena Avellanet.  It was a mic drop moment for me as I hadn’t made the connections before that she shared. She shares it better than I could, so please take a quick watch:

If you aren’t familiar with these stories, or even if you are, I encourage you to take a moment to look them up.

Exodus 4: 1-5

2 Kings 4:1-7

Mark 6:34-44

Moses had a staff
The woman had jars and a little bit of oil
The disciples had five loaves and two fish

The staff was not enough. The oil and jars were not enough. The five loaves and two fish were not enough. But… they were offered to God, and they became more than enough. 

God takes what we have, and He makes it more than enough.

What do you have? Or as Athena put it, “Whatchu got?”

Do you have time? Offer it to Him.

Do you have a desire for hospitality and a dorm room or a small apartment? Offer it to Him.

Do you have a heart that wants to see your friends come to Jesus? Offer it to Him.

Offer to Him what you got, and see what He can do with it. And keep doing it.

Even though I’ve been in ministry for a long time, and by now I have a lot of experience and skill, I still have to keep offering what I have back to God.

Two recentish stories:

One girl I disciple had a bad attitude that I knew I needed to address when we met for our 1×1 the next morning. Despite discipling women for over 25 years, I was really unsure on how to go about it. I prayed, but didn’t sense God giving me any kind of direction. I felt so limited, despite my experience. I offered myself to God, I offered my experience and wisdom, and waited on the Holy Spirit to guide me. When she showed up for our 1×1, she opened the conversation talking about her bad attitude, her struggle with trying to change it, and in that moment, I had a clear picture from the Holy Spirit on how to help her walk towards freedom in her attitude.

A few weeks later I met with a different girl who drained me completely that day. I had another 1×1 right afterwards. (I usually try to not schedule immediate 1×1’s back to back, but it was a reschedule due to holiday conflicts.) My next 1×1 showed up and I was struggling to engage her. My girl noticed and asked if I was okay, which I wasn’t, and then prayed for me. As she prayed, I felt the heaviness I felt for the first girl lift. That feeling of overwhelm was an indicator of my limitation. Despite all my skill and knowledge, I don’t have enough or know enough to help her. I struggled with that limitation, seeing her brokenness and wanting desperately to help her.

But only Jesus is fully enough, not me. As the saying goes, she needs a Savior and I’m not it. But what do I have? I have a heart that longs to help girls know and love God. I have years of experience and knowledge. It’s not enough, but I can offer it to God, and He can use it to minister to others. This was true for me way back when I first started discipling girls and it will be true if I get to keep discipling for another 25 years. Even when I first started discipling girls and I had no idea what I was doing, whenever I offered what little I had to Him, He showed up and I got to have a front row seat to God at work and be a part of it!

On a daily basis, I am met with how I am not enough to meet the tasks at hand.  I don’t have enough energy and time to keep up with two small children, take care of a house, and work in campus ministry. I can never get my to-do list done; some days I can’t even get it started! When I was in college, I struggled then with trying to get everything done. But usually my problem was putting way too much on my to-do list. I would be so productive at the start of the week, but by Wednesday I would run out of energy and then not be as productive by the end of the week. That constant in-my-face limitation kept drawing me back to God. Because I looked for a sense of worth/value in my accomplishments, I would subconsciously think “if I can get everything done, then I am valuable”. God made sure I couldn’t get everything done, despite how hard I tried, so I would come to Him to get my value and worth from Him and Him alone. Because He knows that accomplishments can never fully satisfy. Only He can satisfy my longing to know that I am valuable.

When we are frustrated with our limitations, and feel anxious or overwhelmed, is the answer to remind ourselves “you are enough”? I won’t deny it can help, hence the reason for it’s popularity. There is more we can do, can offer, can get through. We are more resilient and capable than we realize. HOWEVER, those thoughts can only help us to a point. There is a limit to how enough we can be. As Athena said in her video, we are not enough and that’s the point.

Thankfully there is an answer! We can:
* recognize our limitations as invitations to come to Jesus
* come to Him to know what He says about who we are in His Word
* come to Him know Who He is, and then it makes what He says about us actually matter.

Knowing God makes knowing what He says about us so much more than a fancy scrolled, feel good word on a pretty background. It makes it a fulfilling, life altering, sustaining word of truth.

A few reflection questions you can use if they would be helpful to you to ponder this further:

  • Where are you currently feeling frustrated, anxious or overwhelmed?
  • What limitation are those emotions indicating?
  • How might Jesus be inviting you to come to Him through your limitation?
  • Where is God in this? How is He enough, more than enough, to handle that limitation?
  • “Whatchu got” that you can give to Him?
discipleship, rest, soul care, thankfulness

A Biblical Approach to Anxiety

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Do you want to know a secret? You know which tool is the best one to battle anxiety? The one you use! There are a lot of excellent resources on dealing with anxiety. Not any one is the answer to take it away, as only Jesus himself is the answer. What I want to share with you are some tried and true tools I use and teach to battle anxiety. It’s important to remember that it is a battle, and rarely a “one and done” deal. As you keep using the tools, learning to master them, you’ll continue to find more and more freedom from the onslaught of anxiety.

Anxiety has been part of my story since even before I was born. Most of my family members have struggled with anxiety and depression. It’s in our family with a tight grip, but through using the tools God has given us in Scripture, I’ve been able to find more and more freedom, where it doesn’t define my story. I still struggle, even last summer of 2019 I was battling suicidal thoughts. But when I choose to walk with God, I experience freedom.

The following Scriptures provide a solid baseline about dealing with anxious thoughts. I’ll share with you a tool to help make them practical.

Actions (Commands from Scripture):

Phil 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Rom 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

2 Corin 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Results (Promises from Scripture):

Phil 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Isa 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace
    those whose minds are steadfast,
    because they trust in you.

You may be asking, “how do I get there, to the “peace” promised in Scripture?” I’m glad you asked! It starts with changing the “what if’s” swirling in our thoughts.

As kids, did you ever make mud pies and mud mountains? Imagine when you build a large pile of mud into the biggest mountain you could muster and then poured water over the top and watched it run down. If you keep pouring water on it, it keeps going down those initial pathways, creating deeper and deeper ruts. If you want the water to go in a different direction, it’s not enough to just build a little dam in your dirt to stop it. The water will still go down that same rut and break through the dam you made.  Our “what if” thinking is like water going down a mountain of dirt. The more we think a certain way, the deeper the rut becomes. It’s not enough to just stop the thinking by building a dam. Our thoughts will build up behind it and eventually break through. We also need to redirect our thoughts. Just as we need to create a new path for the water to go down, we need a new path for our thoughts to go.  This is one way to take thoughts captive, make them obedient, and renew them. A tool that helps us do that is changing the “what if’s” to “even if, then God.”

“What if…”

“Even if ______________________, then God _______________________________ .”

To trust God on this level, with the “even ifs” requires us to first know Him.

As we begin to know God, we then love Him, then begin to trust Him, then obey Him (e.g. take thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ) and that leads us to know Him more, love Him more, trust Him more, obey Him more, etc…

Who is God? He is Creator, Provider, With me, Steadfast, Faithful, my Rock and Security to name just a handful of characteristics.

Here are a few of the “what if’s” I’ve heard from college students in the past couple weeks.

What if I fail these two classes? Instead, even if I fail 2 of my classes, then God still has a plan for my education. Nothing I can do in success or failure can thwart his plans. He will work something else out and I can keep looking to Him instead of looking at my failures or trying to figure it out on my own. God is good, and can only be good.

What if I can’t see my family over break because of COVID? Even if I can’t see my family, then God will carry me and my family through the heartache of being separated. He is the One who comforts because He is close to the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. I will look to Him to provide another time for us to be together, even if it can’t be over break.

What if I don’t have enough energy to get everything done. Even if I don’t have the energy to get all the things done, then God will provide what I need. Maybe it’s the energy, maybe it’s extra time, maybe it’s perspective that they don’t need to be done anyway. God knows all things and He knows what I need and He will provide it, because He is my provider.

Even if my family member won’t listen to reason, then God can get a hold of her heart and create repentance because God is the Creator, and can create something out of nothing, then I can trust Him to create a repentant heart where there is none.

Even if Republicans, even if Democrats, take control of the Senate, and they pass laws I disagree with, then God will still take care of me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. My security is in Him, not in a political party.

When we think about the “what if’s” we are thinking about things that are not currently true. They are things that “could be” true, but the Bible is clear: Phil 4:8 Think about whatever is true. What would the opposite of true be? False. Or Fantasy.

 I used to frequently have bad dreams, and shortly after Aurora was born the dreams were usually about some kind of harm coming to her. I had a choice in that moment, to entertain that thought, which I had done and then it will lay me flat in my emotions and ruin my morning, even my day. Or I could declare it not true, declare the truth that right now, in that moment she was currently safe in her crib, and always safe in God’s hands and reject the thought. I’ve done enough “capturing these thoughts” that these bad dreams have more or less ceased, and if they do come, I am super quick to capture the untrue thought and choose to believe truth.

One other false or fantasy thought that causes anxiety: speculation. It’s a big trigger! When I speculate what I think a person is thinking of me, or even speculate a general “them” or “they”, I am not walking in truth or thinking truthful thoughts. Speculation gets us in trouble quick and it’s false. I do not know what a person is thinking unless they have told me.

There’s even a “noble” speculation when we worry about someone else’s situation. I’ll worry about my mom, or my friends’ heartaches, and unless I talk to them, I don’t have a clear picture of what’s going on, or what God may already be up to in their lives. Typically, when I can talk to them and find out how they are really doing, the anxiety lessens because I am focusing on what is true and rejecting the speculation. Take captive the thoughts that are untrue, even if they “could be” true, and choose not to speculate.

In Phil 4:6, Paul says to present our requests to God with thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is one of the quickest and easiest tools to use to capture thoughts and renew our minds. When I’m thankful, it brings me to the here and now. To what is true, pure, right , lovely, admirable, praiseworthy, etc… When we are thankful, it awakens us to God’s presence and begins to replace the anxiousness.

Right now, before you finish reading, I want to encourage you to take a few minutes to practice this. Grab one of the “what if’s” floating in your mind and change it to an “even if_________, then God _______________. Spend some time praying that back to Him. If you get stuck, try thanksgiving

Keep practicing this with one or two of the “what if’s” throughout this week. And you don’t have to do it alone. As useful as this “Even if” tool is, sometimes we need help knowing how to use it. We are currently buying a house, and the situation that caused us to begin this process brought me a LOT of anxiety. I was highly anxious for days, really weeks. It took me hours and days of talking and processing with God, my mentor, and people praying for me and with me until I could finally get to the even if, then God. I’m hoping this tool is simple enough to understand, but I recognize it’s not always easy to use. It takes practice to learn how to use any tool well, and lots of practice to master a tool.

discipleship, God's plan, identity

Limited on Purpose

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limited on purposeGod has limited us on purpose. Our culture tells us to “push the limits and break through” yet God has limited us on purpose. When we look to Jesus as the only Unlimited One, we can begin to accept our limitations as gifts, see 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

The idea that we are limited on purpose first came to my attention when I was in college. As teenagers and early 20 somethings we can tend to feel like nothing is unlimited so long as we work hard enough, or pursue it hard enough, or whatever. We are full of energy and idealism. And our culture feeds into that. Even a line from the movie, “Frozen”, feeds into it. Elsa sings in “Let it Go”:

“It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free”

It doesn’t take long until we come up against limits of all sorts. Each time I would get frustrated by them, thinking: “why don’t I have more time, more energy, more _____________.” Someone shared with me when I was in college that I am limited on purpose, because God is the only unlimited one. That’s stuck with me for the past 20 + years. It’s been a freeing, and a good, reminder that I am limited on purpose. It’s not that I’m failing; it’s that God has limited me….on purpose.

The more we look to God and His Limitlessness, the more free we are to accept and embrace our limits as a gift. The reason I usually don’t accept my limits is because I am looking to myself or to the World. When I do, I forget who God is, who I am, where my value lies, and I tend to take on responsibility that is not mine, and push the limits rather than live within them.

Some areas I am limited in

  • Wisdom
    Knowledge/Understanding
    Energy
    Motivation
    Love
    Time
    Length of life/age
    Responsibility
    Size
    Strength
    Sight (spiritual and physical)
    Mobility
    Perspective
    Importance/significance
    Power
    Worth
    Beauty
    Courage
    Safety/protection of self/family
    Luck
    Opportunities
    Communication
    Relational Capacity
    Thoughts/Thinking
    My ability to accept God’s love
    Holding on to God (which is why He holds on to us; Isa 41:10)

God has limited us on purpose. Why would He do that?

Yet there are limits we purposely set for ourselves.

A few limits I set for myself :

  • Sleep (go to bed, set an alarm)
    Eating (what and how much)
    Money (budgeting)
    Work (so I can see my family)
    Phone (app limits)

I balk against the limits in the first set because I feel like it lessens my value (because I am looking to them for my value).

Sometimes we can and should push past our perceived limits rather than settling or getting lazy. Sometimes I am more capable than I first think in various areas. I can take on more responsibility than I first thought I could, I can push and keep going despite low energy, but eventually all those have a limit too. However, if I’m pushing too hard past my limits, that’s when I get into trouble.

I don’t like the limits I set for myself either. Sometimes I want to sleep all day, or eat the yummy junk food, or buy the enticing thing on Amazon, or just scroll endlessly through Instagram. But the cost of doing any of those is far greater than the cost of the limit.

The good news is we are not the first to struggle with limits. Paul addressed it in a couple of his letters in the New Testament. (The following verses are all in the Message version as that’s the version of the Bible I’ve been reading this past year).

2 Corin 12:7-10 MSG
“Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

What can we notice in this passage?

  1. Why was Paul given the “gift” of a limitation?

God gave Paul a “gift” of a handicap to keep him constant touch with his limitations. He knew otherwise he could get a big head.

  1. How did Satan try to use it? What was the result?

Satan tried to use it to discourage him (how often am I discouraged by my limitations?). Instead, it pushed Paul to humility and to Jesus.

  1. Did Paul accept it right away?

No, at first he asked God to remove it, but God in His Wisdom and Love said “no”. He gave a different (better, albeit not the one desired) answer:

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

  1. Once God answered no, and gave His answer that His grace was enough, what was Paul’s response? What words do you see he used to describe his response:

glad, appreciate, taken in stride, with good cheer.

  1. Where was Paul’s focus?

He stopped focusing on the handicap and was able to appreciate it as a gift. Christ’s strength moved in on his weakness.

He joyfully took limitations in stride and let Christ take over.

  1. What were his other limitations?
    abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks

How could he be JOYFUL? That seems impossible. It is impossible in our own strength. However, God gives us the strength to joyfully endure.

 Col. 1:11-12 MSG
“We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.”

2 Corin 13:9 MSG
“We don’t just put up with our limitations; we celebrate them, and then go on to celebrate every strength, every triumph of the truth in you. We pray hard that it will all come together in your lives.”

How can the limitations be a gift? God began helping me really understand this last Spring during a DAWG (Day Away With God). I was feeling overwhelmed and very limited, and God showed me how He is already the answer. It’s all about knowing Him, like Paul did: focusing on Christ instead of our limitation.

Some aspects of Himself that God reminded me of that day to draw my focus to Him:

Jesus is the Answer

Jesus is the entire Story, the Alpha and Omega. I only have a part of the Story. Oftentimes, I feel like I am responsible for the world. If I don’t accept the limit of my part in the Story, then I am striving in vain, and I will miss the significance of the part I get to play in His Story. Revelation 22:13, Hebrews 12:2, Ps 127:1.

Jesus is my Defense. I can work and work to defend myself before others and before God, but I don’t even have to. The pressure is off, because He took all my sin and He is my Defense. Isa 12:2, 1 John 1:9

Jesus is my Rest. The world says “keep working, produce!” Jesus says “come to Me. I am never in a hurry. I hold all things together and make all things come together.” Matt 11:28, Rom 8:28

Jesus is Wisdom. We can easily be overwhelmed by the world’s problems. But He has overcome the world. He is the answer. He’ll share with me the answers as I need them and as I look to him. 1 Corinthians 1:24, John 16:33

Jesus is the Almighty. Rev 1:8, 5:12. He is Unlimited in Power, Unlimited in Importance, He Alone is Worthy.

I have value, I have worth, I have importance, and I have significance. But I am not unlimited in my importance, I am not unlimited in my worth, I am not unlimited in my value. I am not enough, and that is freeing because I don’t have to be! There is one who is already enough, and his name is Jesus.

What about you and your world?

Is there a limitation you are currently frustrated you have? How are you doing at trusting God with it? It’s okay to ask Him to remove it, but if you have and it’s one He’s giving you on purpose, then I encourage you to begin the journey of accepting it and using it to see Him more clearly. Spend some time starting that process by asking yourself the following questions:

– What is/are the limitation(s). Clearly identify them.
– Why do you not want it? What do you want? (This can take time to explore.
I’ve noticed it usually comes down to wanting myself glorified or comfortable.)
– How can your limitation point you to Jesus’ Limitlessness?
– How do you need to trust Him with your limit?

One example I’ll share is being limited in energy. In my 20’s I would push hard to accomplish the tasks I had, but would then crash for the next day or two. I was jealous of the people I compared myself to who could get away with 4-6 hours of sleep and seem like they could get so much done. I functioned best if I got around 9 hours of sleep. I felt like I had to do as much as I thought they were doing. So I would push hard to meet with people in 1×1’s, Bible studies and other meetings, accomplish all the tasks, to-do’s and prep work I had, but then I would crash for a few days as soon as I let myself pause. A few years into this pattern, those crash periods developed into accompanying migraines, and those really took me out. When I became a mom I had to seriously evaluate my tendency to push hard to get through. I no longer had recovery time during a crash, a baby still needs you whether you have a migraine or not.

God has slowly been getting this limit concept through to me over the years. During the moments I started to accept my limits, I saw Jesus show up. The first time in a significant way was in my mid-20’s during nearly an entire school year of deep depression. It was my 4th year of full time ministry, and I was barely functional; only operating in survival mode. God used it heal some brokenness I didn’t even know was there, and I saw His care for me in support raising, as I couldn’t do that either. It was the first time I really began to grasp He really has everything under control and none of it is up to me. I’m invited to be part of the Story.

It’s still a struggle though! Now that I’m a mom, I’m still learning to cut back on so many things. I still struggle with feeling not enough, but that’s usually because I am looking at all the tasks left undone, even untouched, and not looking to Jesus and what He’s done through me. I’m learning to accept my limits; to trust Him with the things that are undone. Trusting He will provide for them to get done, or provide His perspective they are a task that He doesn’t actually have for me to do. I don’t have to be enough because He is enough.

I still get frustrated by my limit of energy

– Because I feel like I should have more (I don’t readily recognize there is a limit to my energy, like I do the limit of time)

– Because sometimes I can push through despite low energy, and I look to myself for that ability rather than to God. Sometimes God will provide extra energy and I want Him to all the time (not just occasionally).

– Because I feel like I am valuable if I can produce and contribute, rather than believing I am already valuable because I am God’s daughter. I am looking to myself for worth rather than to God for my worth. Even if I can push through the low energy and produce a lot, the sense of value and worth is short lived, because new tasks arise and once again I am behind. But in Christ, my worth never changes because it’s based on Him.

As I accept my limit of energy, I can look to Him who is limitless rather than looking at myself. Maybe He will take the low energy away for a moment and supernaturally provide for me to accomplish a task. He’s done that before. That’s not usually the case. He wants me to accept my limit, because it draws my focus to Him. I look to Him for my worth, not my accomplishments. I look to Him for what He wants me to do, rather than myself because the ideas in my head and on my to-do lists are always greater than I can possibly achieve. I need to set aside all my good plans in order to focus on the great plans He has for me to do. And by accepting my limit, I will come to Him for rest, renewal, perspective, vision, relationship. If I had unlimited energy (like I wish I had), I doubt I would stop, or I would very rarely. The low energy causes me to stop regularly.

Looking back to the questions, here’s how I answered them:

–           What is/are the limitation(s): low energy
–           Why do you not want it? What are you wanting? I want unlimited energy so I can accomplish all the things and be valuable
–           How can your limitation point you to Jesus’ Limitlessness? I recognize it’s not up to me but up to Him and my limit can draw me to look to Him instead of myself.
–           How do you need to trust Him with your limit? I will look to Him for my value, and what He wants me to do instead of trusting myself.

I encourage you to give yourself time and space to really reflect on these questions. It took me awhile to summarize the answers to those questions. Please comment below or email me if you have any comments or questions. This is all still in development and I would love help refining it.

One person asked how communication is a God-given limit with all the advances in technology. Here are some thoughts how this applies to communication.

Even with all the advances of technology in communication, there will always be a limit. Even when we speak the same language and see each other daily, there are limits in communication. I think of a marriage relationship, or a discipleship relationship. Sometimes you think something has been communicated well, and the other person just doesn’t get it. I can work and work and work to try to make sure the other person understands what I’m saying, but sometimes they just don’t. In those moments, it’s a God-given limit and I can choose to seek Him and ask Him to remove the communication barrier. Sometimes He will. Sometimes, He wants me to trust Him and to be praying for that person to understand rather than talking at them. As I look to God rather than my communication efforts, I get a chance to see how He can break through any communication barriers that exist. He really is the only Unlimited One.

For another perspective on this topic of limits, I appreciated John Piper’s short article on how he accepted a God-given limit and used it for God’s glory.

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/dont-waste-your-weaknesses

 

discipleship, God's plan

Reflections Halfway through Lent

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lent halfwayWe have just passed the halfway point thru Lent. I’ve enjoyed hearing the stories of the college students in their journeys so far. Many have given up social media, and to their surprise get significantly much more homework done. Today’s students have had access to Facebook their entire school careers, so Facebook “breaks” and homework go hand in hand. Of course without discipline, a five minute Facebook break turns into an hour or more. One gal fasting from social media found herself checking her email more, and I thought “welcome to the 90’s” as that’s all we had; Instant Messenger, Facebook, texting, MySpace weren’t invented yet.

A couple gals have given up makeup, and I couldn’t be more delighted for them to start knowing their beauty is already present, they don’t need makeup to be valuable or accepted. But it’s been a hard journey for them this first half of Lent.

I took a break from my Facebook fast around my birthday so I could communicate about my birthday party, and I quickly realized how much I still need to fast from it. It was one of the first things I looked at on my phone in the morning. I thankfully didn’t linger on it, but I would prefer to have the self-discipline to not to go to it except occasionally.

I also discovered I hate fasting from food. I did an 18 hour fast and it was rough. I did pray more as the hunger pains prompted me, but boy was I grumpy. I have one more full 24 hour fast I want to do, and since I’m endeavoring to do it on Good Friday, I’m hoping a better desire will be present. By fasting that day, I hope it will enable me to identify more with Jesus’ sufferings on that fateful Friday.

gfrlI’ve also been reading “Gospel for Real Life”, which surprisingly has coincided well with reading “Church History in Plain Language”. In the first four chapters of GfRL a couple themes have stood out so far: the importance of recognizing my sin, the significance of Jesus living and dying for me, and the thoroughness of God’s plan.

I unfortunately tend to forget that I am a sinner until I fail in a significant way. And since I tend to try to avoid failure at all costs, I don’t experience that very often. But before God I sin daily and I don’t treat my sin as seriously as I ought. Bridges writes “the seriousness of sin is not simply measured by its consequences, but by the authority of the One who gives the command.” As I examine the sinfulness in my heart, I discover self-centeredness, selfish ambition, resentment, bitterness, impatience, a critical or unforgiving spirit, irritability, a love of material things, or an indifference to the eternal or temporal welfare of those around me. And those are just the negative traits. There are also the positive ones that I fail to live up to as God commands, like loving God with my whole mind, heart, and soul and loving my neighbor as myself. Loving God above all other desires, always rejoicing to meditate on God’s Word day and night (Ps 119:97), always delighting to do His Will (Ps 40:8), doing everything for His glory – eating, drinking, working, playing, driving, reading, speaking (1 Corin 10:31), never worrying but always trusting God’s plan and good heart towards me (Rom 8:28, Phil 4:6), and the list could keep going.

So why spend all that time considering how sinful we are, we’re only human, right?! Yes, we are human, and God is a Holy God. So holy in fact, He can’t be around sin. And until we see our deep need, we can’t even begin to appreciate the good news of the gospel. As Bridges states “Most people, even people who have already become believers, have never given much thought to how desperate our condition is outside of Christ. Few people ever think about the dreadful implications of being under the wrath of God. And most of all, none of us even begins to realize how truly sinful we are…. Only those who understand to some degree the enormity of their spiritual debt can begin to appreciate what Christ did for them at the cross.”

“Only those who understand to some degree the enormity of their spiritual debt can begin to appreciate what Christ did for them at the cross.”

I’ll come back to the Cross in a bit. A lot of attention is given to Christ dying on the Cross for our sins, and while this is incredibly important and I still don’t fully grasp the amazingness of it, there is also the truth that Christ LIVED for me. And it wasn’t until reading Church History that I understood the implications a bit more.

Christ lived a perfect life. He committed no sin. He perfectly loved and obeyed God, He perfectly loved people, He was never impatient, or critical or unforgiving. And this matters so greatly because Christ is our representative before God. As believers, what Christ did, God sees that we did. All that Jesus did, we did, because of our union with Him! Wow! The perfect life I was unable to live, Christ lived for me. I understood this to some degree concerning His death (that He died for me and in my place), but I hadn’t really considered before that it also meant His life.

The significance of this hit home even further for me while reading Church History. In the first half of the 3rd Century, the Christian Church enjoyed a rather peaceful time of no persecution, and the church grew. But then Emperor Decius came into power and he thought Christians were enemies of the empire. He commanded all citizens of the empire to sacrifice to the Roman gods and those who didn’t obey faced death. To save their lives, many Christians complied; others were martyred for their faith. A few more were tortured but didn’t renounce their faith and were called “confessors.”

After Decius’ death in battle only a couple years later, the persecution ended and the Christian Church struggled with readmitting people to the church. In some places as many as ¾’s of the church has deserted during the persecution. Two terrible concepts entered the Church. One was a system of penance for the repenting believers, and the other was elevating the confessors and martyrs to sainthood. They believed that these extraordinary Saints could “cover with their merits the demerits of the lapsed.”

When Jordan and I were discussing Church History this last week, she got an earful of my frustration as I was fired up! Both these concepts deny what Christ offered in His life and death. At the time the Church leaders believed that Christ died for all your sins up to the time you converted and were baptized, but not after. How important it is to realize that Christ died for ALL our sins – past, present and future! We don’t have to pay any penance whatsoever, because Christ paid the full penalty on the Cross. I understand that it’s an offer that sounds too good to be true, and so we have a hard time accepting it. But it is true! Gloriously true!

We don’t have to pay any penance whatsoever, because Christ paid the full penalty on the Cross.

As for the Saints, argh! No! The concept is correct, but with the wrong Person. The merits of the Saints don’t get transferred to the lapsed Christian. CHRIST’s merits get transferred to us. This offer also really seems too good to be true. What Christ did, God sees that I did. Christ lived His perfect life in our place and our behalf. It’s an amazing offer to those who choose to believe and follow Christ. To look to penance or to look to the Saints is to say that what Christ did in His life and death was not enough. But it IS enough!

This brings me to the last point of the thoroughness of God’s plan. We are sinners in desperate need of mercy. God is a God of justice and His justice also needed to be fully satisfied. If God extended mercy at the expense of His justice, it would take away from His holy and perfect justice. “Only God’s infinite wisdom and superabundant love could devise such a plan that both satisfies His justice and meets our desperate need for mercy.” It makes me think of some of shows on Netflix we watch, like White Collar or Leverage. The endings of each episode are so satisfying because they always come up with the perfect plan to catch the bad guy and help the good guy. And if I allow myself to be swept up in the story (and forget there are writers orchestrating the script), I can be amazed at “how did they do that?” There is a true story going on in our lives, so much more satisfying than an episode on Netflix, where God orchestrated the perfect plan to satisfy His holy justice and our need for mercy. It was the Cross!

A lot of people falsely think that God can just forgive our sins because He is a loving God. This is not the case. The Cross is why God can forgive our sins. God hates sin and only His wrath is sufficient enough to deal with sin. He is Holy, he cannot be around any degree of sin. “The Cross, then, is an expression of God’s wrath toward sin as well as His love to us. It expresses His holiness in His determination to punish sin, even at the cost of His Son. And it expresses His love in sending His Son to bear the punishment we so justly deserved. God’s holiness demanded [the Cross] as punishment for our sins, and God’s love provided it to save us from our sins.” The perfect plan! And oh am I grateful!

God’s holiness demanded the Cross as punishment for our sins, and God’s love provided it to save us from our sins.

It’s easy to gloss over the significance of this, and if you find yourself in that place, as I often do, it helps to start by recognizing our sin. “For it is only against the dark backdrop of our sinfulness that we can see the glory of the Cross shining forth in all its brilliance and splendor.” As Bridges also states “Our need is not to be measured by our own sense of need, but by what God had to do to meet that need. Our situation was so desperate that only the death of His own Son on a cruel and shameful cross was sufficient to resolve the problem.”

Thanks for reading through all my thoughts. I hope I conveyed at least a little how truly significant the Cross is. Til next time!

discipleship, God's plan

Reflections on Turning 40

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40I’ve wanted to write a reflective blog on turning 40 for the past several weeks now. And I REALLY wanted to write it before I turned 40, because I wasn’t ready to own it yet. I wanted 40 to remain in the future. However, time and priorities didn’t allow for it, so now, on the morning of March 17, 2017, I have turned 40. I am 40.

It doesn’t seem like it’s my reality. I’ve been saying the number out loud since 2017 began; the year I anticipated I would turn 40. I remember turning 30 only a few years ago, right? A

IMGP2547
my surprise 30th birthday party

whole decade has passed since that wonderful surprise birthday party my girls threw for me?! Now most of those girls are in their 30’s with families, and one month old Brisa at that party just turned 10.

 

Forty just always seemed so old, especially as a 20 something. I remember my Mom turning 40, and the kind 20 year old daughter that I was making her a cake with black roses and RIP headstones. (I’m so sorry, Mom, never again. I would be sad if anyone did that to me today, or ever.)

Mom at 40
Her Cake 😐

I’m remember a few years later my boss, Jack, turning 40. We made a big deal of it in our campus ministry. We gave him a big collage of all his “long years” of ministering to students (anything beyond 5 years seems like a long time to a student).

jacks' b-day
Jack Hall at 40

 

When I imagined myself at 40, I imagined myself married with kids, but along the way I imaged myself married by at least 25 and having a kid by 30. I’m only about a decade behind those desires.

I don’t feel 40, not that I know what 40 should feel like. I primarily hang around 18-24 year olds and imagine myself about their age, a little older, like a big sister (I certainly don’t have their energy anymore to be their age). But now that I have high school classmates with at least 3 kids in college, I have to accept I am now old enough to be their mother, because I am their mom’s age! Ha!

As much as I desired marriage in my 20’s, I made sure to make the most of my single years. I got to travel the world on several mission trips. Exploring countries such as Bosnia, Croatia, Serbia, Italy, Austria, Germany, Kenya, Ethiopia, and several states in Mexico. I also needed to allow God to do some major healing in my life. I was pretty high strung in my teens and 20’s. My value was in my performance and failure was not an option – in grades, in work, in life, in anything.

I was known as The Hammer. A truth teller. And boy did I tell it, and not sugar coat it. As I grew in God’s grace and knowing His love for me, I allowed Him to shape me into a woman whose “conversation [was] always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that [I] may know how to answer everyone.” Col 4:6

Now the girls I meet can’t even believe that was ever me. Praise God for that!

God also developed in me an attitude of patience during my single years. It’s a little different being an older mom, as most of the moms with kids my age are 10-15 years younger than me. And while I don’t have their energy to keep up, I am thankful for the wisdom and patience that I have, wisdom and patience I would not have had in my 20’s or early 30’s. I’m pretty confident that I am in a place to be a better mom now than in any earlier season of my life.

The place that I most feel my age, and enjoy it, is in my career (the place I most feel and don’t like it is in my body! One instance: I had to buy a bigger alarm clock the other day because I couldn’t read the numbers on my previous one at night anymore). With being in full time campus ministry for 18 years now, I have given my life to disciplemaking, learning all that I can, doing all that I can (especially during my single years), and passing on all that I can. I love investing in girls’ lives. My life verse is 2 Timothy 2:2 (NIV) And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others. I want to entrust through discipleship (spiritual mentoring) what I know to girls who will also pass on what they know through discipleship.

I’m not sure how good of a job I did my first half decade (age 20-25) of discipleship, as I figured this whole mentoring thing out. I hopefully helped a few girls, but I did make some wonderful friends (Whitney, Sara, Chrisa, Kelly, and others). But these latter years, especially the last 6, I have really enjoyed mentoring from a place of wisdom that I didn’t fully realize I had until I started teaching it in seminar s.

During the first 20 years of life, each year provided a significant milestone. During the 20’s, the milestones spread out, but are still frequent. I feel like the 30’s just flew by. When you’re young, 10 years is a significantly long time. A 22 year old doesn’t have much in common with a 12 year old. We become different people, physically, spiritually, emotionally, relationally in those 10 years. But I don’t feel too different now from when I was 30. I had milestones of becoming a wife and mother during the decade of my 30s, but I still feel like the same person. If you are 20 and reading this, the next 20 years will blink by. They are significantly different paced then your first 20 years. My advice to you is own your life. Make the most of it. Don’t let it pass you by. Set goals. Create dreams. And go for them. Life can just tick along uneventfully for the next 20 years if you let it. If you have dreams of going to Africa, make plans for it. If you want to write a book, set goals, make a plan and get help for it to happen. Otherwise, life is happy to have you become complacent, see Many Aspire, Few Attain. That article is something I want to read every few years for the rest of my life. I have seen the terrible attrition rate when it comes to living for Jesus for the long haul.

If you are single, make the most of your single years. Most of you will get married at some point (that’s just statistics and observing the 100’s of college girls over the past 20 years that I have known). Make the most of the time you have to be single. Then make the most of the time you have to be married. Then make the most of the time you have to be a parent of children under your roof. Being an older mom has given me a perspective of how quickly time flies and how quickly kids grow. I remember when Karen, my best friend from high school, got pregnant at 20 and had her first kiddo. I remember holding Tori as an infant. And now Tori is a sophomore in college and engaged to be married! I realize quite well that I don’t get to have Aurora for very long. 18 years goes quick from my perspective!!

So here’s to 40. I didn’t want it to come, because it seems so old. But age is what we make of it. My 30’s were pretty awesome, and I want my 40’s to be fabulous!

Making the most of 40, day 1, begins today!

oh! and a benefit to keeping in contact with highschool friends…I’m not the only one turning 40 this year!

discipleship, find rest, God's plan, identity, rest, soul care

Am I Okay?

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righteousness2This morning after Church was one of the moments where I’m giving a girl a piece of advice, and the words of wisdom coming out of my mouth I realize are meant for me (and hopefully for her to), and something I need to process more.

So, I’m processing with you on this blog post as more of a journal entry in the hopes that my processing might be helpful for at least another person as well.

My girl was talking about the need to set the pace in confrontation; starting by leading out confessing where she has failed the girls she’s leading. But as I listened to her, it sounded like her failings were more performance issues and not sin issues. So I said something to the effect of “God isn’t concerned about your day-to-day performance and nitpicking that. He is concerned about the sin in our lives and the need to confess that.” As I spoke, it struck a chord with a thought I’ve been processing for a few weeks now.

If you were to ask me if I’m satisfied with my life, in terms of the big picture, then absolutely yes. I’m satisfied with where I’m at in my life, in my career, my marriage, my family, my walk with God, who I am, etc… However, in the small picture, day to day, I feel inadequate most days. That I’m not using my time wisely or well enough. That I fall short of where I should be every day. And as I talked with my girl, I realized that she and I are each asking the wrong question.

It isn’t about the day to day performance, it’s about the motivations behind it. If I fail to complete a task, is that a sin? It depends. I need to ask a deeper question of Why (or if you are a QBQ reader, “what caused me to not complete the task”). Maybe it’s something that didn’t need to be accomplished. But maybe I wasn’t trusting God (the true sin issue).

I get down on myself for not accomplishing my to-do list. Truthfully, I tend to put more on my to-do list than I have time or energy to accomplish. But the bigger issue, the actual sin issue, is that I look to my to-do list not as a guide, but as a measure of my “okayness”. Instead of believing in what Christ has accomplished on the Cross in order for me to be right with Him, I look to my performance, and measuring it in terms of tasks successfully completed.

I look for my value by how much I can get done instead of recognizing I already have my value in Christ. I look for my “okayness” in my use of time rather than believing I’m already accepted in Christ. I look to myself to figure out and direct my days rather than looking to Christ to direct my day. Or I push on, trying to accomplish all the things instead of trusting Christ and His invitation to rest.

I don’t need to confess my failings in my performance. I need to confess the sin behind it. Because in confessing that sin it sets me free the trap it has become, and it opens the door for a better relationship with Jesus.

It’s Spring Break and I have a mighty massive to-do list of all the things I want to do over the next 10 days. But right now, I just want to rest. I want to sit, read, think, pray, nap, play with Aurora, and hang out with Micah. Maybe energy will come later in the week to do some of the things on my list. Here’s where Faith comes in for me. I have seen God come through for me in the past. As I trust Him with my time, schedule and to-do lists, He provides energy and bends time in my favor. So, today and for the next several days, will I trust Him? Will I trust His invitation to rest? Will I trust that knowing & loving Him is the far better option than trying to get all my have-to’s and want-to’s done? I could muster through and try to get things done this week. But past experience tells me I will just exhaust myself. And past experience also tells me that choosing Christ has ALWAYS been the life-giving option.

Christ didn’t die for me so I could continue to be under the law, including the law I put onto myself of expectations. He died for me and clothed me in righteousness. I am already righteous, which is way better than just being “okay”. I am already right with Him whether or not I get my tasks accomplished or use every minute well. He didn’t die for me so I could keep trying to fulfill the law. He died to set me free! So I could live life fully! In Him! (Galatians 3).

So, for the next few days I’m letting go of my to-do list and I’m going to trust Christ and His invitation to rest and to enjoy Him. And I’ll trust Him if He wants me to get anything done on my to-do list later this week.

 

discipleship, God's plan

Lent – what’s the purpose?

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lentLent is coming up in a week. Some of you may be very familiar with it, others of you may have only heard of this Church tradition. If you aren’t familiar with it, Lent is the period of time set aside to focus on simplifying your life, prayer, and fasting in order to grow closer to God during the 40 days before Easter, starting with Ash Wednesday and lasting up until Easter. It’s actually 46 days, but the 6 Sundays in Lent are excluded because each are considered a mini-Easter. One article I read pointed out that it’s about 1/10 (tithe) of a year.

Next Tuesday, Mardi Gras or “Fat Tuesday” is the day before Lent starts. Since Lent always starts on a Wednesday, the day before is always a Tuesday. It’s called “Fat” or “Great” because it’s associated with great food and parties. Traditionally, people didn’t want to be tempted by sweets, meat and other distractions in the house during Lent so they cleaned out their cabinets. They used up all the sugar and yeast in sweet breads before the Lent season started, and fixed meals with all the meat available. It was a great feast!  Course now Mardi Gras has evolved into a pretty wild party with little to do with actually preparing for the Lenten season.

I grew up Lutheran and thought everybody knew about Lent. In my high school most everyone went to either the Lutheran, Catholic or Methodist church and we all did Lent, or at least talked about it. We would give up chocolate or soda or TV. It didn’t really mean much to me, it was just a tradition. I was really surprised when I got to college and met Christians who had never really heard of Lent nor participated in it.

So why do Lent at all? There is no rule saying you have to, it’s not commanded in the Bible. It’s a church tradition; however, it is a beneficial one when used with the right motives and mindset. It’s a great time to fast, which, when Jesus talks about fasting, it’s always in the context of “when you fast” just like when He says “when you pray.” Plus, it’s a chance to do it in community. It’s easier, and more fun, to fast when you know your friends are doing it too. It’s a good time to prepare our hearts for Easter. Jesus sacrificed His life for us. By sacrificing food, a desire, a need, or our time, we can appreciate a bit more His sacrifice for us. Ultimately, the purpose of participating in Lent is to Glorify God by knowing and loving Him.

fasting-1I recently read a chapter on Fasting in the book Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald S. Whitney that I found rather helpful in reflecting on Lent and it’s purpose. A lot of my thoughts (and quotes) are either from or inspired by his chapter.

God created us to hunger for Him, and we will fill that hunger, even as Christians, with so many things to numb that hunger. Fasting awakens that hunger for God as we deny ourselves the numbing agent of food, media, noise, relationships, etc… and we can begin to let God fill that hunger instead.

A word of caution: Fasting needs to have a purpose. Otherwise the hunger pains will only make you calculate the time until you can eat again. We need to have our purpose in mind while fasting, so when I get hungry, I say to myself: I’m hungry because I’m fasting today. And I’m fasting today because _____________________. Without a spiritual purpose, a fast from food only becomes a diet, and a fast from media only becomes a time management saver. It doesn’t Glorify God nor help us know and love Him more.fast-2

For instance, if I know Brandy is going through a rough time and I want to pray for her more throughout the day, I could choose to fast and pray for her. Then every time my stomach growls or my head aches, my hunger reminds me that I’m fasting, which in turn reminds me that I’m fasting for the purpose of praying for Brandy, and then I pray. So all day, whether I’m driving, walking, working, I’m reminded by my hunger to pray, and then I’m praying far more often, which is why I fasted in the first place.

Other purposes of fasting besides praying for someone, are to seek God’s guidance, to put my trust and hope in Him instead of some other thing, to overcome temptation, to minister to the needs of others with the time and money I would normally use to eat, or to express love and worship to God – fasting demonstrates that seeking God is more important than food, or Facebook, or spending time with people, or whatever it is I am fasting from. Jesus is more important and more satisfying than food, media, people, etc…, but we won’t know it until we fast and let Him fill us with Himself instead.fast3

Food is a great choice for fasting because God made us creatures who survive by eating. It’s a basic need. He made the world work in such a way that it provides food for us to eat. Those who eat too much, or even too little are looking for satisfaction in something other than God.

A fast doesn’t have to be just food. Other great things to fast from can be found in the things that clutter your calendar and life.

Two weeks ago I took a couple days to spend (mostly) alone with God. I cancelled all meetings, turned off my phone and computer, and rested. God did a lot in my heart in those two days of fasting from my phone. I realized I was so exhausted because I was spending too much time reading the news or on Facebook. There’s a whole side story related to this, but suffice it to say, I was surprised to learn that reading and processing the news takes energy, a lot of energy, and I need to limit the amount of news I take in because I don’t want my energy going there.

Another non-food fast that I did was my first meaningful Lent fast after I joined Campus Ventures. I fasted from music that year. You wouldn’t think it would be that hard, but the first few days were torturous. The first day was fine, but the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc… were rough. I was agitated and restless. I didn’t even realize until then that I was looking to music and noise to be my source of peace and security. When it got ripped away, I had to start looking for it in God. During those 40 days I found myself automatically reaching for the radio station in the car, or wanting to turn on the stereo or TV as soon as I walked in the door to my apartment. It was habit. But somewhere in the middle of Lent, I began to appreciate the quietness and then eventually to love it. Before, I always had music playing. Music had a big role in my coming to know Jesus as my Savior as well as growing in my faith. But I was relying on it instead of Him. Once the 40 day Lent fast was over, I was reluctant to turn noise back on. It became by choice to listen to music or watch TV rather than just a habit. And my love for quietness has stuck. I had never loved it before, but I am comfortable with it now as I find it restful and restoring.

Lent is also a time of simplifying your life in terms of what you eat, wear and do. Some people will simplify their diets. It used to be a big thing to not eat meat during Lent, except fish on Fridays. Simplifying a diet can free up time in preparing meals to allow time to spend with Jesus. And by removing sweets, caffeine or other items from your diet and just doing a simple diet to meet your basic nutritional needs, you can learn to crave God instead. For instance, if you decide to simplify your diet to basic needs, then when you crave the extra portion of food or a tastier treat, you can remember that you are fasting, and fasting for a purpose to seek God during Lent. Another option is simplifying your clothing choices for the 40 days. Or your activities. Maybe saying no to one thing every day, or pulling back from hanging out with people if you’re an extrovert. We can look to our clothing choices or people to fill the hunger we have for God just as much as we can food.

 

Other ideas for Lent:

  • Try an electronic fast. Give up Netflix, Facebook, texting, email, Snapchat, and all things electronic for one day every week. (Or everyday of Lent!). Use that time to spend with God reading the bible, praying, memorizing a verse, or spend quality time with family or roommates, or writing an encouraging note to someone on paper!
  • Try skipping one meal each week and use that time to volunteer for an hour or more each week or look for ways you can serve roommates, friends, or even strangers.

 

One thing I will be doing, and I invite you to do with me, is to focus on the Cross. A few years ago I read the Gospel for Real Life by Jerry Bridges and it was a powerful book about all that the Cross represents and the incredible riches found in being a Christian. Bridges shared how the Cross represents so many opposing ideas all beautifully tied into one. Take for instance, God’s Holiness and God’s Love. God’s holiness demanded the Cross as punishment for our sins and God’s Love provided the Cross to save us from our sins. I’ve wanted to re-read this book before an Easter for some time now, so Jordan and I are going to read it over Lent if you’d like to join us. You can get the book off of Amazon Prime for only $11 or used from Amazon for $6. If you don’t have time to read one more book, maybe fast from a meal once a week to use that time to read, or if you have a Spring Break coming up, read it over Break to draw your heart back to Him and the season of Lent. I’m also hoping to write a blog entry about each chapter to make myself think through it more, so you could follow my thoughts on future blogs. Maybe Jordan will write a blog entry too. Or if you read a chapter and it speaks to you, I’d love for you to write an entry for my blog!

Whether you read the book or not, I do invite you to mediate on the Cross over Lent.

Before you finish reading this blog and move on to your next thing, would you take a few moments to talk to God and see if He wants you to fast from anything over Lent? Maybe one of the ideas I shared spurred something in your mind. Ask Him if there is something He wants you to fast from for all of Lent, for part of Lent, or for one day each week of Lent. If He brings something to mind, have the courage to follow through! God loves you and if He’s asking you to fast from it, no matter how hard it may seem, trust Him that He really knows what is best for your heart and your relationship with Him. Fasting is hard, especially if it’s for a long haul, like all 40 days of Lent. I encourage you to share with someone to hold you accountable and to encourage you. And keep before you the purpose of why you are fasting. Without the purpose of knowing and loving God, this will just become another empty tradition.

discipleship, God's plan

Determined to be Useless…

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special guest blog by McLain, one of the young women I disciple

mary-kay
Mary Kay Party

One of my five roommates hosted a Mary Kay party on Wednesday night. I spent the whole day exhausted, and by evening, I was spent. I decided to take a nap in the basement to avoid the hoard of girls gathered upstairs. In the dark, stuffy room, I tossed and turned for about an hour before I couldn’t stand the noise of all the girls upstairs. I decided to go upstairs, try to get in the shower, and go to sleep without having to interact with anyone.

 

Just as I was ascending the stairs, six more girls bustled into the house. There was no avoiding it now—I had to face the party. Not hiding my scowls, I declined a free facial, and tried to hide in the kitchen. I was determined to be useless. Because I didn’t want to have a good time, I decided that no one else could. Every time someone asked me to do something, they got a half-hearted response. I didn’t go out of my way to engage the new girls, which should have been my focus, and even had a hard time interacting with my best friends.

After some more sulking, some girls asked if they could have a tour of the rest of the house. I decided that this would be easy enough, so I began leading a large group of international students into my room. Their excitement of being in a “true American woman’s room” was overwhelming. They were engrossed in my earrings, clothes, books, and decorations—from the biggest mirror, down to the smallest knick-knack. Their joyful mood started to touch my heart, and I decided it wouldn’t be that much of an imposition to get to know them more. To establish common ground, I showed them my glass Japanese fishing weights, and the girls erupted with delight. I was amazed at how much reaching out just a little bit would be affect them, and even affect myself.

As the tour continued into Brandy’s room, I started to forget my determination to be useless. I showed the international girls the scripture and it-is-wellworship lyrics on Brandy’s wall, and explained a few passages. They were particularly interested with one that read, “It is well.” I explained that it is a popular worship song, and what it meant. One of the girls had actually heard it in her home country!

Encouraged by their interest in God, I remembered that I had a Korean/English bible. Before I could even enter the room again with the bible, Korean girls, ecstatic to see their own language in a foreign country, swarmed me. The Word passed between eager hands and hungry eyes. Many even wrote down the brand so that they could look into getting one for themselves. One girl asked, to my surprise, “Where is John?” I flipped to that book, while she explained that she liked some paragraphs from John, but couldn’t remember which ones. I got the butterflies just thinking about that the Lord has been calling each of these girls to himself for their whole lives, and he let me be a small part in that narrative! How exciting!

img_1668Again, the tour continued. While the girls loved every room in the house, they were particularly taken with Jordan’s room. “This is my dream room,” they sighed. Everything from her hand crocheted blanket on her bed, to the fairy lights hanging on her wall were captivating to them. One girl zeroed in on Jordan’s display on the song “Good Good Father,” and wanted to know where it was from and what it meant. As I began to explain the lyrics, I could feel the Spirit move in me, and prompt me to explain deeper and get real with them.

Sharing with the girls got cut short by beautiful piano music. After a few performances on our keyboard, I asked Hannah Garza if she would mind playing “It is Well” and “Good Good Father” for us. It only took a few seconds for girls to join in worshiping the Lord. The international students had never seen anything like this before—Christians truly worshipping. Behind all of the beautiful singing were constant camera clicks. They found this captivating! It was surreal to me, watching all of the girls in worship of our God, because just an hour before, I was determined to be useless. But God works despite of us, and our attitudes; His will is stronger than that. He was determined to make me useful.

 

discipleship, God's plan, identity, relationships

Crushes: Crush Them, not the other way around

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Guest post by Brandy, one of the young ladies I mentor

he loves meI’m going to be completely honest with you gals, writing this was kinda difficult. At first I was so honored and excited to write this that I completely forgot that it meant sifting through the tender parts of my heart, the deep parts where my desires are held. Some of what God’s been teaching me has been a ‘hindsight is 20/20’ kind of thing, but, for the most part, this is very real, very new, and hard to work through. I’ve found that when God asks you to do or go through something, most of the time He isn’t asking only for your benefit, but for others as well.

So, here is what God is teaching me about how to cope with crushes in a way that protects the heart and grows our relationship with Him at the same time. Let us commence at the beginning.

Once I’ve unearthed my crush on someone, I’ve noticed certain tendencies to always be present. Here is what it looks like:

  • It looks like striving for my crush’s approval.
  • It looks like comparing myself to other women who my crush is giving attention to.
  • It looks like wondering if I’m enough, and tearing myself down when I’m convinced that I’m definitely not enough; all because I don’t hold a monopoly on my crush’s attention and affection.
  • It looks like changing who I am to be someone I think my crush will like.
  • It looks like plotting:
    • How can I sit next to him?
    • How can I bring up a conversation with him?
    • How can I bring him up in conversation with friends?
    • How can I spend more time with him?
  • It looks like reading into every single thing my crush says and does.
  • It looks like reading between and outside the lines (you know, daydreaming).

I think you know what I’m talking about here, ladies. Our hearts are in turmoil! We feel at war with ourselves, bullying ourselves, believing the enemy’s lies, and changing ourselves, all because some guy isn’t pursuing us. But what if I were to tell you that this isn’t how it has to be? What if I said there is a way to receive life and hope in the midst of a heart-wrenching crush?

I want to share a story with you. I recently messaged a guy I had a crush on. He responded, asking me how my evening was. So I dove, head-and-heart-first into what was sure to be an earth shattering conversation! But, after a few messages back and forth, it was obvious that I was the only one holding the conversation. It was completely one-sided. Then, our wonderful God impressed upon me this truth:

I am worth someone asking questions to. I am worthy of someone taking the effort and time to have a two-sided conversation with me because God says I am worthy. He, Himself, takes time to pursue me, love me, and ask me questions, and I should expect no less from man. Especially from a man that I desire to hold my heart.

With this truth safely tucked into my belt, I allowed the conversation to end. I did this trusting that God had my heart in mind, and would provide for my desire to be pursued and have meaningful conversation through some other avenue.

You see, you, yourself is enough, just the way you are. Whatever God is having you do right now, this very moment, is enough. No need to change who you are, or what you are doing to (maybe) appease what you believe a guy wants. You don’t need to be burdened with trying to figure out how to “make” the guy you’re crushing on like you, or what you’re “doing wrong” that’s “making” him not like you. FYI it’s not your responsibility to “win” a guy’s heart.

You are enough. Your heart deserves better than what you’re giving it. It is a treasure, and it is high time you start to treat it that way, because this is the truth that our Father desires you to know and believe about yourself! You are worth so much! You are pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, _______ enough! You have the God of the Universe, the King of Kings, the Rescuer of your soul pursuing you! He loves and desires you. He has your absolute best in mind and wants to give it to you, His beloved! We only have to believe this and give Him the hurt, the pain of not being pursued by an earthly man at this moment. Give God your desires and allow Him to provide for them. Place your hope firmly on God, not imperfect man, to provide for what you want. Choose God, not self. Choose to see yourself the way He does, not the way the enemy is trying to trick you into seeing yourself, and treat your heart the way He died to have it treated. Just treat yo-self right girl!!

Story time. I was getting fuel and was just beginning to pump gas when I saw a familiar car pull up. One of my guy friends hopped out and told me that he had seen me pumping and had to stop to say hi! We talked for a few minutes while I finished pumping and then he departed. Now I could take what happened here one of two ways. The first is the way of wishful thinking; seeing it only how I’d like it to be: He stopped, just for me. He must like me. He is pursuing me. That’s the only explanation. What should the colors be at our wedding? The second way is to view it as it is, not reading into it, and seeing how God has orchestrated it. God, who loves me immeasurably more than I could ever imagine, has chosen to show His love by having this man come up to me and notice me. Because God notices me, He saw me pumping gas and sought a way to encourage me even there, and He did so through this man. No reading into it; it’s in God’s hands. My guy friend was the vessel that God choose to show me how important and loved I am by Him. Praise Jesus for His love!

This is what a crush can look like when you choose to crush with God by your side, believing the truth of who He says you are, and giving and trusting your desires and hopes to Him:

  • It looks like giving God the desire for your crush to pay attention to you.
  • It looks like letting God fulfill your desire to be pursued and seen.
  • It looks like being open to seeing how God is pursuing you, and letting him.
  • It looks like putting your hope in the One who loves you and your heart.
  • It looks like rejoicing in the Provider when your crush pays attention to you, or does something admirable (after all, most of the qualities that draw you to your crush are qualities that God also possesses, so why not praise Him for that!).
  • It looks like being who you are and doing exactly what God asks you to do without the fear of what your crush will think (because we should pursue pleasing God, not man, right?).
  • It’s sprinting to God when your heart hurts, giving the hurt to Him; allowing Him to heal and comfort you.
  • It can also look like plotting:
    • How can I see God provide for me today?
    • Where is God at that I also need to be?
    • How is God pursuing me?
    • How can I spend time with the Lover of my soul and allow Him to encourage me?

We need a focus change from focusing on us and what we’re feeling to focusing on God and what He is saying, about us, who we are, why He loves us, what He has for us to do. It’s safe to give God your desires. He wants to give you life and life in the fullest. He knows and loves you. Secure your hope, your desire, in Him who gave up everything so He could be in relationship with you. Give Him the chance to reveal how He can provide, and experience the real relationship that comes from allowing God to invade the deepest parts of your heart, the part that desires, the part that hurts when your crush doesn’t notice you, or rejoices when he does. Jesus loves you, His bride. Trust Him. Give Him the chance to provide. Embrace Him.