Category Archives: God’s plan

God's plan, prayer, relationships

10 years and counting

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Today is our 10th Anniversary! Advice to anyone just getting married: it goes QUICK! When we first got married we had all kinds of plans for how we’d celebrate our 5th and then our 10th. But without intentional planning, the years come fast as life is full, and here we are with no plans aside from spending the day together.

Yesterday I showed our 5 year old our wedding album and read to her our “how we started dating” story. It was fun to reminiscence and hear the questions only a 5 year old could ask. (I also played our wedding music and she asked all kinds of questions about the lyrics, that honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever listened to. Yikes!)

As I read her our story, I realized there are several more people who have come into our lives over the past 10 years who probably haven’t heard it, and it’s a story worth telling! So, in honor of our 10 year Anniversary, here’s the shortened version of how God brought us together.

Brenda:

Over the years, God has often stretched my faith by putting various things on my heart to pray for. In August 2008, at age 31, He put on my heart to begin praying for a husband.  I was incredibly reluctant at first, but since one can’t argue with God and win, I began to pray that God would prepare my heart to receive a husband. Somewhere in my praying I also got the impression that he was coming in a couple years. I wasn’t sure if I heard that right, so I held that with a very open hand. Thus began a new faith journey of praying for a husband.

August 2008 was also when Micah moved up to Spearfish, SD to finish his 4 year degree  at BHSU. I got to know him a little through our campus ministry, Campus Ventures. In May 2010, the CV students and I started a summer Bible study called Experiencing God and Micah joined. I got to know him more through the study, but all the while, I was only proud “of this student” who was growing so much in hearing God’s voice.

Micah:

 In the Summer of 2010, I joined the study, “Experiencing God,” and learned how to hear God’s voice. After learning how God speaks to me, I remembered in April when God told me to consider Brenda. I threw it out at the time as just a conscious thought, afterall, she’s not blonde. When I realized it was God speaking to me, I began to consider Brenda in the months of June and July. During that time, there were four things I observed about her that made me biased towards her:

  1. She is smart academically. 
  2. She truly loves college students and will cry over them if she needs to.
  3.  Brenda is a faithful laborer of Christ.  She follows God every day.  She is very valuable and precious to God.  She has a deep calling for college ministry.
  4. The biggest thing that stuck out the most, and I pondered the most, was Brenda’s fear of the Lord.   Brenda trusts God with every situation in her life, especially the hard ones.  Fearing the Lord is a part of who she is. It’s woven into her personality.

However, I have this thing for blondes.  I decided to mentally line up all the prettiest blondes in the world I could think of and then compare Brenda to them. I picked Brenda every time, hands down.  The way Brenda fears the Lord captures my heart over all the blondes.  Wow, that is an epic one liner.  I needed to save that one for a special occasion.

Yet, I am still not sure if God will let me have her.  He did just say consider her for a wife, not “go chase her; she is yours.”  (And if I could eventually chase her, how would I do it?)

Brenda:

On August 11, 2010 after Bible Study ended and everyone headed back home, I sat down to have my quiet time before bed.  I heard ever so quietly, but distinctly, “Micah Lewis is your future husband.” The next morning I woke up with the biggest crush I have experienced in years! That following weekend, several of us were going backpacking in the Big Horn Mountains in Wyoming. I decided to flirt a little with Micah to let him know I see him. He didn’t seem to notice.

Micah:

Oh! I noticed! I picked up on it right away.  I was watching Brenda all summer to see what would happen in regards to being able to chase her. “Alright God, I see it now.  I am totally going to hook up with Brenda.”  Any girl who flirts like that is just asking to be chased and caught.  I just don’t know when.

After the camping trip, for the next 3 mornings during my Quiet Times, God told me “you have got to tell Brenda the truth” of why you are biased towards her. All of it.

Brenda:

After the weekend, I was talking to God about three issues that weighed heavy on my heart. I asked God “what does Micah mean when he says he is biased towards me?” Another desire was for Micah to ‘see’ me. If he is “the One,” I want him to ‘see’ me, to see something in me that I don’t see. The third issue, was my disappointment that I didn’t have blonde hair (but I really do like my red hair). If anyone knew Micah, they knew he preferred blonds.

On our last Bible Study meeting for Experiencing God, Micah stayed afterward because he felt God asked him to tell me some things. I was shaking with excitement and ready to burst as he pulled out a piece of paper to read from. It was all I could do to stay calm. Micah began to list off reasons why he was biased towards me!  As I processed in my journal later that night the things Micah said, I realized that he “sees” me. He sees in me “a fear of the Lord that draws him in.” I don’t even see that in myself. And then he told me that my fear of the Lord is more valuable than hair color! Oh! My emotions were sky high after that conversation. I couldn’t believe it; he does like me after all! I couldn’t sleep that night!!  As I prayed, I could sense God sharing in my joy. I heard Him speak several things that night.

“Remember it is my love being poured through Micah. What he sees, I see.”

 “I love you both. And I have a mission for you both. Something only the two of you together can do that you couldn’t alone.”

“Wait, Daughter. It won’t be too long.”

Micah:

When I started to consider Brenda in June, I felt like she was way out of my league, but now I see she is reachable. Nevertheless, Brenda isn’t just any girl.  She is at the top of the ladder.  She is smart.  Cheesy one liners will never work on her.  She is a valuable laborer. Her fear of Lord makes me want to climb right up the ladder and capture her heart. It would be like an epic challenge with many rewards.  As I pondered this, I asked God, “if I could pursue Brenda how would I do that?”  God told me “love Brenda like I love my people.”  I instantly got a peace over me that signaled go chase her and pursue her like God loves his people.

On Monday, August 23rd, we shared our stories and I was completely blown away that I was answering Brenda’s prayers.  All I knew was that I was doing what God told me to do.  Well, since obviously God wants us together, I think we should start dating.

Praise God, she was definitely worth the wait!

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discipleship, God's plan, identity

Limited on Purpose

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limited on purposeGod has limited us on purpose. Our culture tells us to “push the limits and break through” yet God has limited us on purpose. When we look to Jesus as the only Unlimited One, we can begin to accept our limitations as gifts, see 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

The idea that we are limited on purpose first came to my attention when I was in college. As teenagers and early 20 somethings we can tend to feel like nothing is unlimited so long as we work hard enough, or pursue it hard enough, or whatever. We are full of energy and idealism. And our culture feeds into that. Even a line from the movie, “Frozen”, feeds into it. Elsa sings in “Let it Go”:

“It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free”

It doesn’t take long until we come up against limits of all sorts. Each time I would get frustrated by them, thinking: “why don’t I have more time, more energy, more _____________.” Someone shared with me when I was in college that I am limited on purpose, because God is the only unlimited one. That’s stuck with me for the past 20 + years. It’s been a freeing, and a good, reminder that I am limited on purpose. It’s not that I’m failing; it’s that God has limited me….on purpose.

The more we look to God and His Limitlessness, the more free we are to accept and embrace our limits as a gift. The reason I usually don’t accept my limits is because I am looking to myself or to the World. When I do, I forget who God is, who I am, where my value lies, and I tend to take on responsibility that is not mine, and push the limits rather than live within them.

Some areas I am limited in

  • Wisdom
    Knowledge/Understanding
    Energy
    Motivation
    Love
    Time
    Length of life/age
    Responsibility
    Size
    Strength
    Sight (spiritual and physical)
    Mobility
    Perspective
    Importance/significance
    Power
    Worth
    Beauty
    Courage
    Safety/protection of self/family
    Luck
    Opportunities
    Communication
    Relational Capacity
    Thoughts/Thinking
    My ability to accept God’s love
    Holding on to God (which is why He holds on to us; Isa 41:10)

God has limited us on purpose. Why would He do that?

Yet there are limits we purposely set for ourselves.

A few limits I set for myself :

  • Sleep (go to bed, set an alarm)
    Eating (what and how much)
    Money (budgeting)
    Work (so I can see my family)
    Phone (app limits)

I balk against the limits in the first set because I feel like it lessens my value (because I am looking to them for my value).

Sometimes we can and should push past our perceived limits rather than settling or getting lazy. Sometimes I am more capable than I first think in various areas. I can take on more responsibility than I first thought I could, I can push and keep going despite low energy, but eventually all those have a limit too. However, if I’m pushing too hard past my limits, that’s when I get into trouble.

I don’t like the limits I set for myself either. Sometimes I want to sleep all day, or eat the yummy junk food, or buy the enticing thing on Amazon, or just scroll endlessly through Instagram. But the cost of doing any of those is far greater than the cost of the limit.

The good news is we are not the first to struggle with limits. Paul addressed it in a couple of his letters in the New Testament. (The following verses are all in the Message version as that’s the version of the Bible I’ve been reading this past year).

2 Corin 12:7-10 MSG
“Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

What can we notice in this passage?

  1. Why was Paul given the “gift” of a limitation?

God gave Paul a “gift” of a handicap to keep him constant touch with his limitations. He knew otherwise he could get a big head.

  1. How did Satan try to use it? What was the result?

Satan tried to use it to discourage him (how often am I discouraged by my limitations?). Instead, it pushed Paul to humility and to Jesus.

  1. Did Paul accept it right away?

No, at first he asked God to remove it, but God in His Wisdom and Love said “no”. He gave a different (better, albeit not the one desired) answer:

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

  1. Once God answered no, and gave His answer that His grace was enough, what was Paul’s response? What words do you see he used to describe his response:

glad, appreciate, taken in stride, with good cheer.

  1. Where was Paul’s focus?

He stopped focusing on the handicap and was able to appreciate it as a gift. Christ’s strength moved in on his weakness.

He joyfully took limitations in stride and let Christ take over.

  1. What were his other limitations?
    abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks

How could he be JOYFUL? That seems impossible. It is impossible in our own strength. However, God gives us the strength to joyfully endure.

 Col. 1:11-12 MSG
“We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.”

2 Corin 13:9 MSG
“We don’t just put up with our limitations; we celebrate them, and then go on to celebrate every strength, every triumph of the truth in you. We pray hard that it will all come together in your lives.”

How can the limitations be a gift? God began helping me really understand this last Spring during a DAWG (Day Away With God). I was feeling overwhelmed and very limited, and God showed me how He is already the answer. It’s all about knowing Him, like Paul did: focusing on Christ instead of our limitation.

Some aspects of Himself that God reminded me of that day to draw my focus to Him:

Jesus is the Answer

Jesus is the entire Story, the Alpha and Omega. I only have a part of the Story. Oftentimes, I feel like I am responsible for the world. If I don’t accept the limit of my part in the Story, then I am striving in vain, and I will miss the significance of the part I get to play in His Story. Revelation 22:13, Hebrews 12:2, Ps 127:1.

Jesus is my Defense. I can work and work to defend myself before others and before God, but I don’t even have to. The pressure is off, because He took all my sin and He is my Defense. Isa 12:2, 1 John 1:9

Jesus is my Rest. The world says “keep working, produce!” Jesus says “come to Me. I am never in a hurry. I hold all things together and make all things come together.” Matt 11:28, Rom 8:28

Jesus is Wisdom. We can easily be overwhelmed by the world’s problems. But He has overcome the world. He is the answer. He’ll share with me the answers as I need them and as I look to him. 1 Corinthians 1:24, John 16:33

Jesus is the Almighty. Rev 1:8, 5:12. He is Unlimited in Power, Unlimited in Importance, He Alone is Worthy.

I have value, I have worth, I have importance, and I have significance. But I am not unlimited in my importance, I am not unlimited in my worth, I am not unlimited in my value. I am not enough, and that is freeing because I don’t have to be! There is one who is already enough, and his name is Jesus.

What about you and your world?

Is there a limitation you are currently frustrated you have? How are you doing at trusting God with it? It’s okay to ask Him to remove it, but if you have and it’s one He’s giving you on purpose, then I encourage you to begin the journey of accepting it and using it to see Him more clearly. Spend some time starting that process by asking yourself the following questions:

– What is/are the limitation(s). Clearly identify them.
– Why do you not want it? What do you want? (This can take time to explore.
I’ve noticed it usually comes down to wanting myself glorified or comfortable.)
– How can your limitation point you to Jesus’ Limitlessness?
– How do you need to trust Him with your limit?

One example I’ll share is being limited in energy. In my 20’s I would push hard to accomplish the tasks I had, but would then crash for the next day or two. I was jealous of the people I compared myself to who could get away with 4-6 hours of sleep and seem like they could get so much done. I functioned best if I got around 9 hours of sleep. I felt like I had to do as much as I thought they were doing. So I would push hard to meet with people in 1×1’s, Bible studies and other meetings, accomplish all the tasks, to-do’s and prep work I had, but then I would crash for a few days as soon as I let myself pause. A few years into this pattern, those crash periods developed into accompanying migraines, and those really took me out. When I became a mom I had to seriously evaluate my tendency to push hard to get through. I no longer had recovery time during a crash, a baby still needs you whether you have a migraine or not.

God has slowly been getting this limit concept through to me over the years. During the moments I started to accept my limits, I saw Jesus show up. The first time in a significant way was in my mid-20’s during nearly an entire school year of deep depression. It was my 4th year of full time ministry, and I was barely functional; only operating in survival mode. God used it heal some brokenness I didn’t even know was there, and I saw His care for me in support raising, as I couldn’t do that either. It was the first time I really began to grasp He really has everything under control and none of it is up to me. I’m invited to be part of the Story.

It’s still a struggle though! Now that I’m a mom, I’m still learning to cut back on so many things. I still struggle with feeling not enough, but that’s usually because I am looking at all the tasks left undone, even untouched, and not looking to Jesus and what He’s done through me. I’m learning to accept my limits; to trust Him with the things that are undone. Trusting He will provide for them to get done, or provide His perspective they are a task that He doesn’t actually have for me to do. I don’t have to be enough because He is enough.

I still get frustrated by my limit of energy

– Because I feel like I should have more (I don’t readily recognize there is a limit to my energy, like I do the limit of time)

– Because sometimes I can push through despite low energy, and I look to myself for that ability rather than to God. Sometimes God will provide extra energy and I want Him to all the time (not just occasionally).

– Because I feel like I am valuable if I can produce and contribute, rather than believing I am already valuable because I am God’s daughter. I am looking to myself for worth rather than to God for my worth. Even if I can push through the low energy and produce a lot, the sense of value and worth is short lived, because new tasks arise and once again I am behind. But in Christ, my worth never changes because it’s based on Him.

As I accept my limit of energy, I can look to Him who is limitless rather than looking at myself. Maybe He will take the low energy away for a moment and supernaturally provide for me to accomplish a task. He’s done that before. That’s not usually the case. He wants me to accept my limit, because it draws my focus to Him. I look to Him for my worth, not my accomplishments. I look to Him for what He wants me to do, rather than myself because the ideas in my head and on my to-do lists are always greater than I can possibly achieve. I need to set aside all my good plans in order to focus on the great plans He has for me to do. And by accepting my limit, I will come to Him for rest, renewal, perspective, vision, relationship. If I had unlimited energy (like I wish I had), I doubt I would stop, or I would very rarely. The low energy causes me to stop regularly.

Looking back to the questions, here’s how I answered them:

–           What is/are the limitation(s): low energy
–           Why do you not want it? What are you wanting? I want unlimited energy so I can accomplish all the things and be valuable
–           How can your limitation point you to Jesus’ Limitlessness? I recognize it’s not up to me but up to Him and my limit can draw me to look to Him instead of myself.
–           How do you need to trust Him with your limit? I will look to Him for my value, and what He wants me to do instead of trusting myself.

I encourage you to give yourself time and space to really reflect on these questions. It took me awhile to summarize the answers to those questions. Please comment below or email me if you have any comments or questions. This is all still in development and I would love help refining it.

One person asked how communication is a God-given limit with all the advances in technology. Here are some thoughts how this applies to communication.

Even with all the advances of technology in communication, there will always be a limit. Even when we speak the same language and see each other daily, there are limits in communication. I think of a marriage relationship, or a discipleship relationship. Sometimes you think something has been communicated well, and the other person just doesn’t get it. I can work and work and work to try to make sure the other person understands what I’m saying, but sometimes they just don’t. In those moments, it’s a God-given limit and I can choose to seek Him and ask Him to remove the communication barrier. Sometimes He will. Sometimes, He wants me to trust Him and to be praying for that person to understand rather than talking at them. As I look to God rather than my communication efforts, I get a chance to see how He can break through any communication barriers that exist. He really is the only Unlimited One.

For another perspective on this topic of limits, I appreciated John Piper’s short article on how he accepted a God-given limit and used it for God’s glory.

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/dont-waste-your-weaknesses

 

discipleship, God's plan

Reflections Halfway through Lent

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lent halfwayWe have just passed the halfway point thru Lent. I’ve enjoyed hearing the stories of the college students in their journeys so far. Many have given up social media, and to their surprise get significantly much more homework done. Today’s students have had access to Facebook their entire school careers, so Facebook “breaks” and homework go hand in hand. Of course without discipline, a five minute Facebook break turns into an hour or more. One gal fasting from social media found herself checking her email more, and I thought “welcome to the 90’s” as that’s all we had; Instant Messenger, Facebook, texting, MySpace weren’t invented yet.

A couple gals have given up makeup, and I couldn’t be more delighted for them to start knowing their beauty is already present, they don’t need makeup to be valuable or accepted. But it’s been a hard journey for them this first half of Lent.

I took a break from my Facebook fast around my birthday so I could communicate about my birthday party, and I quickly realized how much I still need to fast from it. It was one of the first things I looked at on my phone in the morning. I thankfully didn’t linger on it, but I would prefer to have the self-discipline to not to go to it except occasionally.

I also discovered I hate fasting from food. I did an 18 hour fast and it was rough. I did pray more as the hunger pains prompted me, but boy was I grumpy. I have one more full 24 hour fast I want to do, and since I’m endeavoring to do it on Good Friday, I’m hoping a better desire will be present. By fasting that day, I hope it will enable me to identify more with Jesus’ sufferings on that fateful Friday.

gfrlI’ve also been reading “Gospel for Real Life”, which surprisingly has coincided well with reading “Church History in Plain Language”. In the first four chapters of GfRL a couple themes have stood out so far: the importance of recognizing my sin, the significance of Jesus living and dying for me, and the thoroughness of God’s plan.

I unfortunately tend to forget that I am a sinner until I fail in a significant way. And since I tend to try to avoid failure at all costs, I don’t experience that very often. But before God I sin daily and I don’t treat my sin as seriously as I ought. Bridges writes “the seriousness of sin is not simply measured by its consequences, but by the authority of the One who gives the command.” As I examine the sinfulness in my heart, I discover self-centeredness, selfish ambition, resentment, bitterness, impatience, a critical or unforgiving spirit, irritability, a love of material things, or an indifference to the eternal or temporal welfare of those around me. And those are just the negative traits. There are also the positive ones that I fail to live up to as God commands, like loving God with my whole mind, heart, and soul and loving my neighbor as myself. Loving God above all other desires, always rejoicing to meditate on God’s Word day and night (Ps 119:97), always delighting to do His Will (Ps 40:8), doing everything for His glory – eating, drinking, working, playing, driving, reading, speaking (1 Corin 10:31), never worrying but always trusting God’s plan and good heart towards me (Rom 8:28, Phil 4:6), and the list could keep going.

So why spend all that time considering how sinful we are, we’re only human, right?! Yes, we are human, and God is a Holy God. So holy in fact, He can’t be around sin. And until we see our deep need, we can’t even begin to appreciate the good news of the gospel. As Bridges states “Most people, even people who have already become believers, have never given much thought to how desperate our condition is outside of Christ. Few people ever think about the dreadful implications of being under the wrath of God. And most of all, none of us even begins to realize how truly sinful we are…. Only those who understand to some degree the enormity of their spiritual debt can begin to appreciate what Christ did for them at the cross.”

“Only those who understand to some degree the enormity of their spiritual debt can begin to appreciate what Christ did for them at the cross.”

I’ll come back to the Cross in a bit. A lot of attention is given to Christ dying on the Cross for our sins, and while this is incredibly important and I still don’t fully grasp the amazingness of it, there is also the truth that Christ LIVED for me. And it wasn’t until reading Church History that I understood the implications a bit more.

Christ lived a perfect life. He committed no sin. He perfectly loved and obeyed God, He perfectly loved people, He was never impatient, or critical or unforgiving. And this matters so greatly because Christ is our representative before God. As believers, what Christ did, God sees that we did. All that Jesus did, we did, because of our union with Him! Wow! The perfect life I was unable to live, Christ lived for me. I understood this to some degree concerning His death (that He died for me and in my place), but I hadn’t really considered before that it also meant His life.

The significance of this hit home even further for me while reading Church History. In the first half of the 3rd Century, the Christian Church enjoyed a rather peaceful time of no persecution, and the church grew. But then Emperor Decius came into power and he thought Christians were enemies of the empire. He commanded all citizens of the empire to sacrifice to the Roman gods and those who didn’t obey faced death. To save their lives, many Christians complied; others were martyred for their faith. A few more were tortured but didn’t renounce their faith and were called “confessors.”

After Decius’ death in battle only a couple years later, the persecution ended and the Christian Church struggled with readmitting people to the church. In some places as many as ¾’s of the church has deserted during the persecution. Two terrible concepts entered the Church. One was a system of penance for the repenting believers, and the other was elevating the confessors and martyrs to sainthood. They believed that these extraordinary Saints could “cover with their merits the demerits of the lapsed.”

When Jordan and I were discussing Church History this last week, she got an earful of my frustration as I was fired up! Both these concepts deny what Christ offered in His life and death. At the time the Church leaders believed that Christ died for all your sins up to the time you converted and were baptized, but not after. How important it is to realize that Christ died for ALL our sins – past, present and future! We don’t have to pay any penance whatsoever, because Christ paid the full penalty on the Cross. I understand that it’s an offer that sounds too good to be true, and so we have a hard time accepting it. But it is true! Gloriously true!

We don’t have to pay any penance whatsoever, because Christ paid the full penalty on the Cross.

As for the Saints, argh! No! The concept is correct, but with the wrong Person. The merits of the Saints don’t get transferred to the lapsed Christian. CHRIST’s merits get transferred to us. This offer also really seems too good to be true. What Christ did, God sees that I did. Christ lived His perfect life in our place and our behalf. It’s an amazing offer to those who choose to believe and follow Christ. To look to penance or to look to the Saints is to say that what Christ did in His life and death was not enough. But it IS enough!

This brings me to the last point of the thoroughness of God’s plan. We are sinners in desperate need of mercy. God is a God of justice and His justice also needed to be fully satisfied. If God extended mercy at the expense of His justice, it would take away from His holy and perfect justice. “Only God’s infinite wisdom and superabundant love could devise such a plan that both satisfies His justice and meets our desperate need for mercy.” It makes me think of some of shows on Netflix we watch, like White Collar or Leverage. The endings of each episode are so satisfying because they always come up with the perfect plan to catch the bad guy and help the good guy. And if I allow myself to be swept up in the story (and forget there are writers orchestrating the script), I can be amazed at “how did they do that?” There is a true story going on in our lives, so much more satisfying than an episode on Netflix, where God orchestrated the perfect plan to satisfy His holy justice and our need for mercy. It was the Cross!

A lot of people falsely think that God can just forgive our sins because He is a loving God. This is not the case. The Cross is why God can forgive our sins. God hates sin and only His wrath is sufficient enough to deal with sin. He is Holy, he cannot be around any degree of sin. “The Cross, then, is an expression of God’s wrath toward sin as well as His love to us. It expresses His holiness in His determination to punish sin, even at the cost of His Son. And it expresses His love in sending His Son to bear the punishment we so justly deserved. God’s holiness demanded [the Cross] as punishment for our sins, and God’s love provided it to save us from our sins.” The perfect plan! And oh am I grateful!

God’s holiness demanded the Cross as punishment for our sins, and God’s love provided it to save us from our sins.

It’s easy to gloss over the significance of this, and if you find yourself in that place, as I often do, it helps to start by recognizing our sin. “For it is only against the dark backdrop of our sinfulness that we can see the glory of the Cross shining forth in all its brilliance and splendor.” As Bridges also states “Our need is not to be measured by our own sense of need, but by what God had to do to meet that need. Our situation was so desperate that only the death of His own Son on a cruel and shameful cross was sufficient to resolve the problem.”

Thanks for reading through all my thoughts. I hope I conveyed at least a little how truly significant the Cross is. Til next time!

discipleship, God's plan

Reflections on Turning 40

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40I’ve wanted to write a reflective blog on turning 40 for the past several weeks now. And I REALLY wanted to write it before I turned 40, because I wasn’t ready to own it yet. I wanted 40 to remain in the future. However, time and priorities didn’t allow for it, so now, on the morning of March 17, 2017, I have turned 40. I am 40.

It doesn’t seem like it’s my reality. I’ve been saying the number out loud since 2017 began; the year I anticipated I would turn 40. I remember turning 30 only a few years ago, right? A

IMGP2547
my surprise 30th birthday party

whole decade has passed since that wonderful surprise birthday party my girls threw for me?! Now most of those girls are in their 30’s with families, and one month old Brisa at that party just turned 10.

 

Forty just always seemed so old, especially as a 20 something. I remember my Mom turning 40, and the kind 20 year old daughter that I was making her a cake with black roses and RIP headstones. (I’m so sorry, Mom, never again. I would be sad if anyone did that to me today, or ever.)

Mom at 40
Her Cake 😐

I’m remember a few years later my boss, Jack, turning 40. We made a big deal of it in our campus ministry. We gave him a big collage of all his “long years” of ministering to students (anything beyond 5 years seems like a long time to a student).

jacks' b-day
Jack Hall at 40

 

When I imagined myself at 40, I imagined myself married with kids, but along the way I imaged myself married by at least 25 and having a kid by 30. I’m only about a decade behind those desires.

I don’t feel 40, not that I know what 40 should feel like. I primarily hang around 18-24 year olds and imagine myself about their age, a little older, like a big sister (I certainly don’t have their energy anymore to be their age). But now that I have high school classmates with at least 3 kids in college, I have to accept I am now old enough to be their mother, because I am their mom’s age! Ha!

As much as I desired marriage in my 20’s, I made sure to make the most of my single years. I got to travel the world on several mission trips. Exploring countries such as Bosnia, Croatia, Serbia, Italy, Austria, Germany, Kenya, Ethiopia, and several states in Mexico. I also needed to allow God to do some major healing in my life. I was pretty high strung in my teens and 20’s. My value was in my performance and failure was not an option – in grades, in work, in life, in anything.

I was known as The Hammer. A truth teller. And boy did I tell it, and not sugar coat it. As I grew in God’s grace and knowing His love for me, I allowed Him to shape me into a woman whose “conversation [was] always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that [I] may know how to answer everyone.” Col 4:6

Now the girls I meet can’t even believe that was ever me. Praise God for that!

God also developed in me an attitude of patience during my single years. It’s a little different being an older mom, as most of the moms with kids my age are 10-15 years younger than me. And while I don’t have their energy to keep up, I am thankful for the wisdom and patience that I have, wisdom and patience I would not have had in my 20’s or early 30’s. I’m pretty confident that I am in a place to be a better mom now than in any earlier season of my life.

The place that I most feel my age, and enjoy it, is in my career (the place I most feel and don’t like it is in my body! One instance: I had to buy a bigger alarm clock the other day because I couldn’t read the numbers on my previous one at night anymore). With being in full time campus ministry for 18 years now, I have given my life to disciplemaking, learning all that I can, doing all that I can (especially during my single years), and passing on all that I can. I love investing in girls’ lives. My life verse is 2 Timothy 2:2 (NIV) And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others. I want to entrust through discipleship (spiritual mentoring) what I know to girls who will also pass on what they know through discipleship.

I’m not sure how good of a job I did my first half decade (age 20-25) of discipleship, as I figured this whole mentoring thing out. I hopefully helped a few girls, but I did make some wonderful friends (Whitney, Sara, Chrisa, Kelly, and others). But these latter years, especially the last 6, I have really enjoyed mentoring from a place of wisdom that I didn’t fully realize I had until I started teaching it in seminar s.

During the first 20 years of life, each year provided a significant milestone. During the 20’s, the milestones spread out, but are still frequent. I feel like the 30’s just flew by. When you’re young, 10 years is a significantly long time. A 22 year old doesn’t have much in common with a 12 year old. We become different people, physically, spiritually, emotionally, relationally in those 10 years. But I don’t feel too different now from when I was 30. I had milestones of becoming a wife and mother during the decade of my 30s, but I still feel like the same person. If you are 20 and reading this, the next 20 years will blink by. They are significantly different paced then your first 20 years. My advice to you is own your life. Make the most of it. Don’t let it pass you by. Set goals. Create dreams. And go for them. Life can just tick along uneventfully for the next 20 years if you let it. If you have dreams of going to Africa, make plans for it. If you want to write a book, set goals, make a plan and get help for it to happen. Otherwise, life is happy to have you become complacent, see Many Aspire, Few Attain. That article is something I want to read every few years for the rest of my life. I have seen the terrible attrition rate when it comes to living for Jesus for the long haul.

If you are single, make the most of your single years. Most of you will get married at some point (that’s just statistics and observing the 100’s of college girls over the past 20 years that I have known). Make the most of the time you have to be single. Then make the most of the time you have to be married. Then make the most of the time you have to be a parent of children under your roof. Being an older mom has given me a perspective of how quickly time flies and how quickly kids grow. I remember when Karen, my best friend from high school, got pregnant at 20 and had her first kiddo. I remember holding Tori as an infant. And now Tori is a sophomore in college and engaged to be married! I realize quite well that I don’t get to have Aurora for very long. 18 years goes quick from my perspective!!

So here’s to 40. I didn’t want it to come, because it seems so old. But age is what we make of it. My 30’s were pretty awesome, and I want my 40’s to be fabulous!

Making the most of 40, day 1, begins today!

oh! and a benefit to keeping in contact with highschool friends…I’m not the only one turning 40 this year!

discipleship, find rest, God's plan, identity, rest, soul care

Am I Okay?

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righteousness2This morning after Church was one of the moments where I’m giving a girl a piece of advice, and the words of wisdom coming out of my mouth I realize are meant for me (and hopefully for her to), and something I need to process more.

So, I’m processing with you on this blog post as more of a journal entry in the hopes that my processing might be helpful for at least another person as well.

My girl was talking about the need to set the pace in confrontation; starting by leading out confessing where she has failed the girls she’s leading. But as I listened to her, it sounded like her failings were more performance issues and not sin issues. So I said something to the effect of “God isn’t concerned about your day-to-day performance and nitpicking that. He is concerned about the sin in our lives and the need to confess that.” As I spoke, it struck a chord with a thought I’ve been processing for a few weeks now.

If you were to ask me if I’m satisfied with my life, in terms of the big picture, then absolutely yes. I’m satisfied with where I’m at in my life, in my career, my marriage, my family, my walk with God, who I am, etc… However, in the small picture, day to day, I feel inadequate most days. That I’m not using my time wisely or well enough. That I fall short of where I should be every day. And as I talked with my girl, I realized that she and I are each asking the wrong question.

It isn’t about the day to day performance, it’s about the motivations behind it. If I fail to complete a task, is that a sin? It depends. I need to ask a deeper question of Why (or if you are a QBQ reader, “what caused me to not complete the task”). Maybe it’s something that didn’t need to be accomplished. But maybe I wasn’t trusting God (the true sin issue).

I get down on myself for not accomplishing my to-do list. Truthfully, I tend to put more on my to-do list than I have time or energy to accomplish. But the bigger issue, the actual sin issue, is that I look to my to-do list not as a guide, but as a measure of my “okayness”. Instead of believing in what Christ has accomplished on the Cross in order for me to be right with Him, I look to my performance, and measuring it in terms of tasks successfully completed.

I look for my value by how much I can get done instead of recognizing I already have my value in Christ. I look for my “okayness” in my use of time rather than believing I’m already accepted in Christ. I look to myself to figure out and direct my days rather than looking to Christ to direct my day. Or I push on, trying to accomplish all the things instead of trusting Christ and His invitation to rest.

I don’t need to confess my failings in my performance. I need to confess the sin behind it. Because in confessing that sin it sets me free the trap it has become, and it opens the door for a better relationship with Jesus.

It’s Spring Break and I have a mighty massive to-do list of all the things I want to do over the next 10 days. But right now, I just want to rest. I want to sit, read, think, pray, nap, play with Aurora, and hang out with Micah. Maybe energy will come later in the week to do some of the things on my list. Here’s where Faith comes in for me. I have seen God come through for me in the past. As I trust Him with my time, schedule and to-do lists, He provides energy and bends time in my favor. So, today and for the next several days, will I trust Him? Will I trust His invitation to rest? Will I trust that knowing & loving Him is the far better option than trying to get all my have-to’s and want-to’s done? I could muster through and try to get things done this week. But past experience tells me I will just exhaust myself. And past experience also tells me that choosing Christ has ALWAYS been the life-giving option.

Christ didn’t die for me so I could continue to be under the law, including the law I put onto myself of expectations. He died for me and clothed me in righteousness. I am already righteous, which is way better than just being “okay”. I am already right with Him whether or not I get my tasks accomplished or use every minute well. He didn’t die for me so I could keep trying to fulfill the law. He died to set me free! So I could live life fully! In Him! (Galatians 3).

So, for the next few days I’m letting go of my to-do list and I’m going to trust Christ and His invitation to rest and to enjoy Him. And I’ll trust Him if He wants me to get anything done on my to-do list later this week.

 

discipleship, God's plan

Lent – what’s the purpose?

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lentLent is coming up in a week. Some of you may be very familiar with it, others of you may have only heard of this Church tradition. If you aren’t familiar with it, Lent is the period of time set aside to focus on simplifying your life, prayer, and fasting in order to grow closer to God during the 40 days before Easter, starting with Ash Wednesday and lasting up until Easter. It’s actually 46 days, but the 6 Sundays in Lent are excluded because each are considered a mini-Easter. One article I read pointed out that it’s about 1/10 (tithe) of a year.

Next Tuesday, Mardi Gras or “Fat Tuesday” is the day before Lent starts. Since Lent always starts on a Wednesday, the day before is always a Tuesday. It’s called “Fat” or “Great” because it’s associated with great food and parties. Traditionally, people didn’t want to be tempted by sweets, meat and other distractions in the house during Lent so they cleaned out their cabinets. They used up all the sugar and yeast in sweet breads before the Lent season started, and fixed meals with all the meat available. It was a great feast!  Course now Mardi Gras has evolved into a pretty wild party with little to do with actually preparing for the Lenten season.

I grew up Lutheran and thought everybody knew about Lent. In my high school most everyone went to either the Lutheran, Catholic or Methodist church and we all did Lent, or at least talked about it. We would give up chocolate or soda or TV. It didn’t really mean much to me, it was just a tradition. I was really surprised when I got to college and met Christians who had never really heard of Lent nor participated in it.

So why do Lent at all? There is no rule saying you have to, it’s not commanded in the Bible. It’s a church tradition; however, it is a beneficial one when used with the right motives and mindset. It’s a great time to fast, which, when Jesus talks about fasting, it’s always in the context of “when you fast” just like when He says “when you pray.” Plus, it’s a chance to do it in community. It’s easier, and more fun, to fast when you know your friends are doing it too. It’s a good time to prepare our hearts for Easter. Jesus sacrificed His life for us. By sacrificing food, a desire, a need, or our time, we can appreciate a bit more His sacrifice for us. Ultimately, the purpose of participating in Lent is to Glorify God by knowing and loving Him.

fasting-1I recently read a chapter on Fasting in the book Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald S. Whitney that I found rather helpful in reflecting on Lent and it’s purpose. A lot of my thoughts (and quotes) are either from or inspired by his chapter.

God created us to hunger for Him, and we will fill that hunger, even as Christians, with so many things to numb that hunger. Fasting awakens that hunger for God as we deny ourselves the numbing agent of food, media, noise, relationships, etc… and we can begin to let God fill that hunger instead.

A word of caution: Fasting needs to have a purpose. Otherwise the hunger pains will only make you calculate the time until you can eat again. We need to have our purpose in mind while fasting, so when I get hungry, I say to myself: I’m hungry because I’m fasting today. And I’m fasting today because _____________________. Without a spiritual purpose, a fast from food only becomes a diet, and a fast from media only becomes a time management saver. It doesn’t Glorify God nor help us know and love Him more.fast-2

For instance, if I know Brandy is going through a rough time and I want to pray for her more throughout the day, I could choose to fast and pray for her. Then every time my stomach growls or my head aches, my hunger reminds me that I’m fasting, which in turn reminds me that I’m fasting for the purpose of praying for Brandy, and then I pray. So all day, whether I’m driving, walking, working, I’m reminded by my hunger to pray, and then I’m praying far more often, which is why I fasted in the first place.

Other purposes of fasting besides praying for someone, are to seek God’s guidance, to put my trust and hope in Him instead of some other thing, to overcome temptation, to minister to the needs of others with the time and money I would normally use to eat, or to express love and worship to God – fasting demonstrates that seeking God is more important than food, or Facebook, or spending time with people, or whatever it is I am fasting from. Jesus is more important and more satisfying than food, media, people, etc…, but we won’t know it until we fast and let Him fill us with Himself instead.fast3

Food is a great choice for fasting because God made us creatures who survive by eating. It’s a basic need. He made the world work in such a way that it provides food for us to eat. Those who eat too much, or even too little are looking for satisfaction in something other than God.

A fast doesn’t have to be just food. Other great things to fast from can be found in the things that clutter your calendar and life.

Two weeks ago I took a couple days to spend (mostly) alone with God. I cancelled all meetings, turned off my phone and computer, and rested. God did a lot in my heart in those two days of fasting from my phone. I realized I was so exhausted because I was spending too much time reading the news or on Facebook. There’s a whole side story related to this, but suffice it to say, I was surprised to learn that reading and processing the news takes energy, a lot of energy, and I need to limit the amount of news I take in because I don’t want my energy going there.

Another non-food fast that I did was my first meaningful Lent fast after I joined Campus Ventures. I fasted from music that year. You wouldn’t think it would be that hard, but the first few days were torturous. The first day was fine, but the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc… were rough. I was agitated and restless. I didn’t even realize until then that I was looking to music and noise to be my source of peace and security. When it got ripped away, I had to start looking for it in God. During those 40 days I found myself automatically reaching for the radio station in the car, or wanting to turn on the stereo or TV as soon as I walked in the door to my apartment. It was habit. But somewhere in the middle of Lent, I began to appreciate the quietness and then eventually to love it. Before, I always had music playing. Music had a big role in my coming to know Jesus as my Savior as well as growing in my faith. But I was relying on it instead of Him. Once the 40 day Lent fast was over, I was reluctant to turn noise back on. It became by choice to listen to music or watch TV rather than just a habit. And my love for quietness has stuck. I had never loved it before, but I am comfortable with it now as I find it restful and restoring.

Lent is also a time of simplifying your life in terms of what you eat, wear and do. Some people will simplify their diets. It used to be a big thing to not eat meat during Lent, except fish on Fridays. Simplifying a diet can free up time in preparing meals to allow time to spend with Jesus. And by removing sweets, caffeine or other items from your diet and just doing a simple diet to meet your basic nutritional needs, you can learn to crave God instead. For instance, if you decide to simplify your diet to basic needs, then when you crave the extra portion of food or a tastier treat, you can remember that you are fasting, and fasting for a purpose to seek God during Lent. Another option is simplifying your clothing choices for the 40 days. Or your activities. Maybe saying no to one thing every day, or pulling back from hanging out with people if you’re an extrovert. We can look to our clothing choices or people to fill the hunger we have for God just as much as we can food.

 

Other ideas for Lent:

  • Try an electronic fast. Give up Netflix, Facebook, texting, email, Snapchat, and all things electronic for one day every week. (Or everyday of Lent!). Use that time to spend with God reading the bible, praying, memorizing a verse, or spend quality time with family or roommates, or writing an encouraging note to someone on paper!
  • Try skipping one meal each week and use that time to volunteer for an hour or more each week or look for ways you can serve roommates, friends, or even strangers.

 

One thing I will be doing, and I invite you to do with me, is to focus on the Cross. A few years ago I read the Gospel for Real Life by Jerry Bridges and it was a powerful book about all that the Cross represents and the incredible riches found in being a Christian. Bridges shared how the Cross represents so many opposing ideas all beautifully tied into one. Take for instance, God’s Holiness and God’s Love. God’s holiness demanded the Cross as punishment for our sins and God’s Love provided the Cross to save us from our sins. I’ve wanted to re-read this book before an Easter for some time now, so Jordan and I are going to read it over Lent if you’d like to join us. You can get the book off of Amazon Prime for only $11 or used from Amazon for $6. If you don’t have time to read one more book, maybe fast from a meal once a week to use that time to read, or if you have a Spring Break coming up, read it over Break to draw your heart back to Him and the season of Lent. I’m also hoping to write a blog entry about each chapter to make myself think through it more, so you could follow my thoughts on future blogs. Maybe Jordan will write a blog entry too. Or if you read a chapter and it speaks to you, I’d love for you to write an entry for my blog!

Whether you read the book or not, I do invite you to mediate on the Cross over Lent.

Before you finish reading this blog and move on to your next thing, would you take a few moments to talk to God and see if He wants you to fast from anything over Lent? Maybe one of the ideas I shared spurred something in your mind. Ask Him if there is something He wants you to fast from for all of Lent, for part of Lent, or for one day each week of Lent. If He brings something to mind, have the courage to follow through! God loves you and if He’s asking you to fast from it, no matter how hard it may seem, trust Him that He really knows what is best for your heart and your relationship with Him. Fasting is hard, especially if it’s for a long haul, like all 40 days of Lent. I encourage you to share with someone to hold you accountable and to encourage you. And keep before you the purpose of why you are fasting. Without the purpose of knowing and loving God, this will just become another empty tradition.

God's plan, relationships, thankfulness

Thankfulness vs Unthankfulness

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thanksgiving

Have you heard the saying, there is always something to be thankful for? But doesn’t it seem there is always something to complain about? Why is that?

Well, there’s a reason, several reasons actually. For some of the reasons, let’s look into what Psychology has to say. I love Psychology. I didn’t know I loved it until long after I graduated college (I ended up getting my degree in Chemistry, Physics and Math). I find the Psychology behind negativity fascinating. There are two concepts, called the Negativity bias and the Prospect Theory, that say people are more likely to choose things based on their need to avoid negative experiences, rather than their desire to get positive experiences.

Psychologists conclude negative experiences or the fear of them has a greater impact on people than positive experiences. Negative experiences sear to our brain instantly, whereas, positive experiences have to be held in our awareness for more than 12 seconds in order for it to transfer from short-term memory to long-term memory. Psychologists say that unless we are occupied with other thoughts, worry is the brain’s default position.

Complaining is tempting because it feels good, but like many other things that are enjoyable — such as eating a pound of bacon for breakfast — complaining isn’t good for us. Repeated complaining wires our brain to make future complaining more likely. Over time, we’ll find it’s easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around us. Complaining becomes our default behavior.

Here’s the kicker: complaining damages areas of our brains. Research from Stanford University has shown that complaining shrinks the hippocampus — an area of the brain that’s critical to problem solving and intelligent thought. It’s not an exaggeration to say that complaining leads to brain damage! A few other health concerns: complaining release the stress hormone cortisol, which impairs our immune systems and makes us more susceptible to high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease and obesity. And since we mimic the moods of those around us, particularly people we spend a great deal of time with, complaining is a lot like smoking — we don’t have to do it ourselves to suffer the ill effects.

Taking time to be thankful isn’t merely the right thing to do; it also beneficial for our health. Gratefulness reduces that stress hormone cortisol which improves our moods, gives us energy and substantially lowers our anxiety levels.

Not only is complaining bad for our health, it is bad for our relationships. Complainers repel others with their negativity. Sometimes I don’t even want to be around myself when I’m in a negative and complaining mood. It also influences others to be negative and ungrateful toward God (we can influence our roommates, our families). If that’s not bad enough, it affects our relationship with God.

We hinder our ability to intimately fellowship with God when we complain. Complaining causes us to focus on circumstances and not on God to satisfy us. Ungratefulness hinders our faith, hinders our ability to see God, to see Him at work, and to trust that He cares for us.

Ungratefulness is bad for our health, bad for our relationships with each other and bad for our relationship with God. What does the Bible have to say about it?

Well, the Bible says we will have problems. In John 16:33, Jesus says “In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage—I have conquered the world.” We will have problems; don’t ever be surprised by this. But we needn’t lose sight of God when problems come.

Sometimes God will cause problems in our lives because we are losing sight of him. John Eldredge in his book, Journey of Desire, calls God the Divine Thwarter. Sometimes God will thwart our plans on purpose, and this is when it’s easy to complain. (I can’t find a job, I don’t have a relationship, my computer isn’t working, the internet is down, etc…) The first time I really came to understand this concept of God as the Divine Thwarter was back in the early 2000’s. I was first on staff and needed my own computer. My Grandpa, who recently became a Christian and was very excited about me joining the ministry, offered to buy me any laptop I wanted. I got to pick out the specs and nearly everything I wanted (trying to keep it reasonable, of course). I put a lot of time and thought into it, and boy, was I excited to get it. Once it was ordered, I tracked the shipping and counted down the days. And wouldn’t you know the thing was delayed, not once, but twice! And it was June, there wasn’t even a weather issue! Oh, I was frustrated and just wanted to complain. But right around that same time, I first heard the concept of the Divine Thwarter and realized God was thwarting my desire on PURPOSE! I was putting all my hope and joy into receiving this new laptop, and my hope was not in Him. So I confessed where I was at, stopped complaining, and put my hope back in God. Then I patiently waited out the extra days for my computer to come.

We can either focus on God or focus on our problems. Our minds can be filled with only one or the other. It is impossible to thank God and blame God at the same time. There is always something to complain about. There is also always something to be thankful for.

God wants us to give Him our problems, whether caused by Him when He’s divinely thwarting us or caused by the World. We live in a broken world with broken people, and we are hurt & frustrated by it. 1 Peter 5:7 was one of the very first verses I ever memorized. It says, “cast all your cares on him because he cares for you.” Cast ALL your cares on him, because he CARES for you!

There’s a quote by Elizabeth Elliot that I enjoy, “If it’s big enough to worry (complain) about it’s big enough to pray about.” God wants us to cast ALL our cares on Him.

Another familiar verse is Phil 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” We could camp out in this verse for several blog posts. But I’ll just hit a few highlights. Did you know, as a Christian, we have the option to not be anxious? God wouldn’t command it if it wasn’t possible through Him. We don’t have to be anxious about anything. Period. Ever. Period. This is good news, especially for those of us who are prone to anxiety. I know what’s it’s like to deal with anxiety and panic attacks. But God gives us another option. Paul says “INSTEAD, in every situation,” we can pray about it, with thanksgiving. All our cares. All of them. Every situation. With thanksgiving. We can always find something to be thankful for, because there is always something about God to be thankful for. We can be thankful that He is Sovereign, in control of the frustrating situation, that He loves you when someone else was rude, that He is your provider when you are out of money, etc…

And then it gets even better, as we tell our requests to God, with thanksgiving, the peace of God that surpasses understanding (and does it surpass my understanding) will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I don’t understand at all how it works, but I know by experience personally and through living life alongside people, that His peace comes and it guards our hearts and minds. What a huge blessing! That His peace will guard our hearts and minds instead of them being attacked by anxiety.

Many times my time alone with God starts out with a list of worries. My concerns and complaints are the loudest things in my head and I can’t concentrate on anything else, and they get louder the less I am trusting God with them. So, in humility and trust, I give each one over to God. Some are easy, some are hard. Especially with the hard ones, I need to remember and believe that He is God, He is Good, His heart towards me is good, and He can and will take care of each one of my concerns in His way and timing. After this time of surrender and being thankful for who God is, my heart can be still and I can actually live out Ps 46:10 to “Be Still and Know that I am God…”

If you continue on after the verses in Phil 4:6-7, into verse 8, Paul says “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” I thought it was interesting to look at the opposite of each of the things in this verse.

    • True                       False (Fantasy)

Whatever is true. Frequently I will have bad dreams, and now that I have a daughter, they are usually about some kind of harm coming to her. I have a choice in that moment, to entertain that thought, which I have and it will lay me flat in my emotions and ruin my morning, even my day. Or I can declare it not true, declare the truth that she is currently safe in her crib, and always safe in God’s hands and reject the thought. The same with fantasy. As a single gal I used to daydream about whichever boy I had a crush on. I could entertain the fun daydreams, which would get my heart and longings for relationship going, or I could choose to stop the daydream and trust God with my heart and desire. When I entertain a fantasy, I’m not thankful to God for where He has me, and I quickly become ungrateful, wishing for the fantasy to become reality.

The same choice applies to each thought on this list. The enemy will CONSISTENTLY try to throw a negative thought our way. Don’t grow discouraged at what he throws your way. You have an incredible option as a Christian to reject it, to turn to God, and think about the list Paul gives us. Let’s keep going with our list.

    • Nobel                     Ignoble (dishonorable in character or purpose) Such as complaining about a professor, boss, coworker, roommate which is dishonorable to them.
    • Right                     Wrong
    • Pure                       Dirty
    • Lovely                   Ugly
    • Admirable           Unworthy
    • Excellent              Poor
    • Praiseworthy      Blameworthy (we can either blame God or thank God)

phil 4 9 adrienne
Phil 4:8 by Adrienne Holland

When we are thankful, it awakens us to God’s presence and overshadows all our problems. Giving thanks fills our minds with God’s goodness and power rather than our anxieties. When we thank God for what he has done, it reminds us of who God is and what he can do in our lives. The more we thank God, the more confident we become in Him and the less the enemy can discourage us.

 

The Psalms are filled with shouts and songs of Thanksgiving to God. A common theme with thanksgiving in the Psalms is this is how we enter God’s presence:

Psalm 95:1-2 Come! Let’s sing for joy to the Lord! Let’s shout out praises to our protector who delivers us! Let’s enter his presence with thanksgiving! Let’s shout out to him in celebration!

Ps 100:4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving 
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.

We enter God’s presence through Thanksgiving! How cool is that?!

There’s a thought from Jesus Calling, November 1st that I thought was encouraging. It said along the lines of: Don’t be discouraged by the difficulty of keeping your focus on God. It’s a lofty goal to continually be aware of His Presence. He is delighted by your desire to walk closely with Him. He is pleased each time you initiate communication with Him. He notices the progress you make. When you wander into negativity, don’t be surprised or alarmed at how easy it is to be negative. Our world is rigged to distract us and to bring us down. We live in a broken world. But each time you plow your way through the massive distractions to be thankful to God, you achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs!

We are in constant need of help. We hate that, because it’s not the American way. Exactly! It’s God’s way, he designed us with limitations and designed us to need Him. He wants us to come to Him with our neediness! Paul says in Phil 4:11-13 I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. We are familiar with the end of this verse, but did you catch the context? Paul learned to be content/thankful, rather than discontent/complaining. He learned. It’s a journey, even for Paul. And if it was a journey for him, it’s also a journey for us. It’s possible for us to be content and not complainers.

Another verse that shows God will give us the desire and the ability to be thankful is Phil 2:13-15 Paul says, “for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Do everything without grumbling or arguing,  so that you may become blameless and pure…” The ability, as well as the desire, to be thankful comes from God.

We also need each other. Just as a complaining person is contagious, so is a positive person. Be around contagious people! Be that kind of person. Community is necessary to live with thankful hearts.

positive-cat

I have also noticed a trend that thankfulness and song are often woven together.

Ps 69:30 I will praise God’s name in song 
and glorify him with thanksgiving.

Colossians 3:15-17 (NCV) Let the peace that Christ gives control your thinking, because you were all called together in one body to have peace. Always be thankful. Let the teaching of Christ live in you richly. Use all wisdom to teach and instruct each other by singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Everything you do or say should be done to obey Jesus your Lord. And in all you do, give thanks to God the Father through Jesus. Did you notice that the command to sing is sandwiched between two verses on thankfulness? Thanksgiving is the fuel for our worship.

I encourage you to spend some time today praising His name in song, and let Him fill your mind so your worries, problems and complaints cannot. Enter His presence through a time of thanksgiving & praise.

discipleship, God's plan

Determined to be Useless…

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special guest blog by McLain, one of the young women I disciple

mary-kay
Mary Kay Party

One of my five roommates hosted a Mary Kay party on Wednesday night. I spent the whole day exhausted, and by evening, I was spent. I decided to take a nap in the basement to avoid the hoard of girls gathered upstairs. In the dark, stuffy room, I tossed and turned for about an hour before I couldn’t stand the noise of all the girls upstairs. I decided to go upstairs, try to get in the shower, and go to sleep without having to interact with anyone.

 

Just as I was ascending the stairs, six more girls bustled into the house. There was no avoiding it now—I had to face the party. Not hiding my scowls, I declined a free facial, and tried to hide in the kitchen. I was determined to be useless. Because I didn’t want to have a good time, I decided that no one else could. Every time someone asked me to do something, they got a half-hearted response. I didn’t go out of my way to engage the new girls, which should have been my focus, and even had a hard time interacting with my best friends.

After some more sulking, some girls asked if they could have a tour of the rest of the house. I decided that this would be easy enough, so I began leading a large group of international students into my room. Their excitement of being in a “true American woman’s room” was overwhelming. They were engrossed in my earrings, clothes, books, and decorations—from the biggest mirror, down to the smallest knick-knack. Their joyful mood started to touch my heart, and I decided it wouldn’t be that much of an imposition to get to know them more. To establish common ground, I showed them my glass Japanese fishing weights, and the girls erupted with delight. I was amazed at how much reaching out just a little bit would be affect them, and even affect myself.

As the tour continued into Brandy’s room, I started to forget my determination to be useless. I showed the international girls the scripture and it-is-wellworship lyrics on Brandy’s wall, and explained a few passages. They were particularly interested with one that read, “It is well.” I explained that it is a popular worship song, and what it meant. One of the girls had actually heard it in her home country!

Encouraged by their interest in God, I remembered that I had a Korean/English bible. Before I could even enter the room again with the bible, Korean girls, ecstatic to see their own language in a foreign country, swarmed me. The Word passed between eager hands and hungry eyes. Many even wrote down the brand so that they could look into getting one for themselves. One girl asked, to my surprise, “Where is John?” I flipped to that book, while she explained that she liked some paragraphs from John, but couldn’t remember which ones. I got the butterflies just thinking about that the Lord has been calling each of these girls to himself for their whole lives, and he let me be a small part in that narrative! How exciting!

img_1668Again, the tour continued. While the girls loved every room in the house, they were particularly taken with Jordan’s room. “This is my dream room,” they sighed. Everything from her hand crocheted blanket on her bed, to the fairy lights hanging on her wall were captivating to them. One girl zeroed in on Jordan’s display on the song “Good Good Father,” and wanted to know where it was from and what it meant. As I began to explain the lyrics, I could feel the Spirit move in me, and prompt me to explain deeper and get real with them.

Sharing with the girls got cut short by beautiful piano music. After a few performances on our keyboard, I asked Hannah Garza if she would mind playing “It is Well” and “Good Good Father” for us. It only took a few seconds for girls to join in worshiping the Lord. The international students had never seen anything like this before—Christians truly worshipping. Behind all of the beautiful singing were constant camera clicks. They found this captivating! It was surreal to me, watching all of the girls in worship of our God, because just an hour before, I was determined to be useless. But God works despite of us, and our attitudes; His will is stronger than that. He was determined to make me useful.

 

discipleship, God's plan, identity, relationships

Crushes: Crush Them, not the other way around

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Guest post by Brandy, one of the young ladies I mentor

he loves meI’m going to be completely honest with you gals, writing this was kinda difficult. At first I was so honored and excited to write this that I completely forgot that it meant sifting through the tender parts of my heart, the deep parts where my desires are held. Some of what God’s been teaching me has been a ‘hindsight is 20/20’ kind of thing, but, for the most part, this is very real, very new, and hard to work through. I’ve found that when God asks you to do or go through something, most of the time He isn’t asking only for your benefit, but for others as well.

So, here is what God is teaching me about how to cope with crushes in a way that protects the heart and grows our relationship with Him at the same time. Let us commence at the beginning.

Once I’ve unearthed my crush on someone, I’ve noticed certain tendencies to always be present. Here is what it looks like:

  • It looks like striving for my crush’s approval.
  • It looks like comparing myself to other women who my crush is giving attention to.
  • It looks like wondering if I’m enough, and tearing myself down when I’m convinced that I’m definitely not enough; all because I don’t hold a monopoly on my crush’s attention and affection.
  • It looks like changing who I am to be someone I think my crush will like.
  • It looks like plotting:
    • How can I sit next to him?
    • How can I bring up a conversation with him?
    • How can I bring him up in conversation with friends?
    • How can I spend more time with him?
  • It looks like reading into every single thing my crush says and does.
  • It looks like reading between and outside the lines (you know, daydreaming).

I think you know what I’m talking about here, ladies. Our hearts are in turmoil! We feel at war with ourselves, bullying ourselves, believing the enemy’s lies, and changing ourselves, all because some guy isn’t pursuing us. But what if I were to tell you that this isn’t how it has to be? What if I said there is a way to receive life and hope in the midst of a heart-wrenching crush?

I want to share a story with you. I recently messaged a guy I had a crush on. He responded, asking me how my evening was. So I dove, head-and-heart-first into what was sure to be an earth shattering conversation! But, after a few messages back and forth, it was obvious that I was the only one holding the conversation. It was completely one-sided. Then, our wonderful God impressed upon me this truth:

I am worth someone asking questions to. I am worthy of someone taking the effort and time to have a two-sided conversation with me because God says I am worthy. He, Himself, takes time to pursue me, love me, and ask me questions, and I should expect no less from man. Especially from a man that I desire to hold my heart.

With this truth safely tucked into my belt, I allowed the conversation to end. I did this trusting that God had my heart in mind, and would provide for my desire to be pursued and have meaningful conversation through some other avenue.

You see, you, yourself is enough, just the way you are. Whatever God is having you do right now, this very moment, is enough. No need to change who you are, or what you are doing to (maybe) appease what you believe a guy wants. You don’t need to be burdened with trying to figure out how to “make” the guy you’re crushing on like you, or what you’re “doing wrong” that’s “making” him not like you. FYI it’s not your responsibility to “win” a guy’s heart.

You are enough. Your heart deserves better than what you’re giving it. It is a treasure, and it is high time you start to treat it that way, because this is the truth that our Father desires you to know and believe about yourself! You are worth so much! You are pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, _______ enough! You have the God of the Universe, the King of Kings, the Rescuer of your soul pursuing you! He loves and desires you. He has your absolute best in mind and wants to give it to you, His beloved! We only have to believe this and give Him the hurt, the pain of not being pursued by an earthly man at this moment. Give God your desires and allow Him to provide for them. Place your hope firmly on God, not imperfect man, to provide for what you want. Choose God, not self. Choose to see yourself the way He does, not the way the enemy is trying to trick you into seeing yourself, and treat your heart the way He died to have it treated. Just treat yo-self right girl!!

Story time. I was getting fuel and was just beginning to pump gas when I saw a familiar car pull up. One of my guy friends hopped out and told me that he had seen me pumping and had to stop to say hi! We talked for a few minutes while I finished pumping and then he departed. Now I could take what happened here one of two ways. The first is the way of wishful thinking; seeing it only how I’d like it to be: He stopped, just for me. He must like me. He is pursuing me. That’s the only explanation. What should the colors be at our wedding? The second way is to view it as it is, not reading into it, and seeing how God has orchestrated it. God, who loves me immeasurably more than I could ever imagine, has chosen to show His love by having this man come up to me and notice me. Because God notices me, He saw me pumping gas and sought a way to encourage me even there, and He did so through this man. No reading into it; it’s in God’s hands. My guy friend was the vessel that God choose to show me how important and loved I am by Him. Praise Jesus for His love!

This is what a crush can look like when you choose to crush with God by your side, believing the truth of who He says you are, and giving and trusting your desires and hopes to Him:

  • It looks like giving God the desire for your crush to pay attention to you.
  • It looks like letting God fulfill your desire to be pursued and seen.
  • It looks like being open to seeing how God is pursuing you, and letting him.
  • It looks like putting your hope in the One who loves you and your heart.
  • It looks like rejoicing in the Provider when your crush pays attention to you, or does something admirable (after all, most of the qualities that draw you to your crush are qualities that God also possesses, so why not praise Him for that!).
  • It looks like being who you are and doing exactly what God asks you to do without the fear of what your crush will think (because we should pursue pleasing God, not man, right?).
  • It’s sprinting to God when your heart hurts, giving the hurt to Him; allowing Him to heal and comfort you.
  • It can also look like plotting:
    • How can I see God provide for me today?
    • Where is God at that I also need to be?
    • How is God pursuing me?
    • How can I spend time with the Lover of my soul and allow Him to encourage me?

We need a focus change from focusing on us and what we’re feeling to focusing on God and what He is saying, about us, who we are, why He loves us, what He has for us to do. It’s safe to give God your desires. He wants to give you life and life in the fullest. He knows and loves you. Secure your hope, your desire, in Him who gave up everything so He could be in relationship with you. Give Him the chance to reveal how He can provide, and experience the real relationship that comes from allowing God to invade the deepest parts of your heart, the part that desires, the part that hurts when your crush doesn’t notice you, or rejoices when he does. Jesus loves you, His bride. Trust Him. Give Him the chance to provide. Embrace Him.

discipleship, God's plan, prayer

Praying for Guidance

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praying for Guidance2I’ve started reading John Eldredge’s newest book, “Moving Mountains,” and it’s been soooo good! It’s all about prayer, and praying effectively. I hope to write several blog entries about it as it will help me process the good stuff in this book, and hopefully also be a benefit to you reading my blog.

I picked up the book as the description seemed to be where my thoughts have been for the past several years. It did not disappoint and Eldredge put things into words so much more effectively than I had been able to. He wrote on prayer, but I’ve been thinking about how these concepts apply to our relationship with God in general. His general concept in the book is that there is a way things work, it’s that way with everything in life. There is a way friendships work, marriage, owning a dog, raising a child, planting flowers, reading a book.

But like many people, I’ve had the idea that prayer just works. Raise a prayer and hope for the best. But in my heart, I knew that wasn’t quite it. Especially based on my experience of when my prayers work and when they don’t. It’s not as simple as God giving a “yes”, “no”, or “later” answer; even more so as we mature as Christians. I know that statement ruffles some feathers, as it goes against some long-held beliefs many of us have had.

Let’s look at praying for guidance. There is a way to pray effectively for guidance. And really, it’s common sense, or at least to me, because as I read what Eldredge wrote, I noticed this is what I’ve done when I’ve experienced effective prayer for guidance.

So here are some of Eldredge’s thoughts mixed with my own, taken from Chapter 11: “Let There Be Light” – Praying for Guidance, Understanding and Revelation.

The first rule of seeking guidance is to take the pressure off. Pressure to get an answer or hear something “right now”. Or pressure, stress, or drama of any kind in our lives from any source. Pressure nearly guarantees you will have a hard time discerning what God is saying, if you hear anything at all. Pressure clenches up your heart and soul and ties up all your insides in rubber-band knots. Even if God is shouting, it is unlikely he can get through to you because of the chaos. We need to do what we can to reduce the pressure. Get someplace quiet, peaceful, away from the chaos and stress. The whole “Be still and know that I am God…” concept is super important. Take a moment to remember who God is. Our hearts need some breathing room to hear God. I think of the story of the scattered seed in Mark 4:19 “…but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.”

Eldredge shares the story of Daniel (chapter 2) when King Nebuchadnezzar had dreams that troubled him. He wanted his “magicians, enchanters, sorcerers and astrologers” to interpret the dream, but first to tell him what he dreamed. When they said it was impossible and they couldn’t, the King ordered their death. This included Daniel. Talk about pressure! Daniel took the pressure off by asking the King for some time and sought God. Now, I doubt many of us can even comprehend the pressure Daniel faced, but our pressure will still clench our hearts just the same. If Daniel needed to take the pressure off in a high pressure situation, we certainly do too.

Daniel calms the situation down and he and his friends seek God, God answers and Daniel praises God:

“Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;
wisdom and power are his.
He changes times and seasons;
he deposes kings and raises up others.
He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning.
He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him.
I thank and praise you, God of my ancestors:
You have given me wisdom and power,
you have made known to me what we asked of you,
you have made known to us the dream of the king.” (Daniel 2:21-23)

God will make known to us what we ask of Him. But first, we need to take the pressure off.

The second thing we need to do is let go of our constant attempt to “figure things out”. This one gets me often, my brain will just go and go, figuring out plans and plan b’s, and c’s. I’ll start praying for guidance and then get sidetracked in my trying to figure it out.

Eldredge shares how God has some strong feelings about those who choose to walk in the light of their own counsel:

Who among you fears the LORD
and obeys the word of his servant?
Let the one who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
and rely on their God.
But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment. (Isa. 50:10-11)

Ouch! Wow! God wants us to seek Him rather than light our own fires and try to figure things out on our own. And why not?! He is the God of all wisdom, knowledge, insight, and power. It’s silly for me to not go to him. Even sillier, fruitless really, is seeking God’s counsel while I am privately committed to one course of action over all others. Or trying to “fill in the blanks.” Spending half my energy trying to figure it out while I give the other half of my energy to seeking God. It’s far better to live with uncertainty for a while than to be our own counselors. Tolerate the ambiguity!

We must surrender our agendas. We must surrender our “best thoughts” on the matter. We must surrender even our secret desires. When we do all this, we are in a much better place to receive God’s thoughts on the situation.

Surrender is the key. We need to be open to WHATEVER it may be that God has to say. If you are only open to hearing one answer from God, “yes, you should take that apartment,” then it’s not likely you will hear anything at all. And if you do hear a yes, you won’t be able to trust it (is that me or is that God?). Yield your plans, desires, even hunches (oi!) to the Living God so you can receive something far better: His counsel. Give the matter to God; give the process of decision making over to God too!

Finally, give it some time. Seeking God’s guidance through prayer isn’t something to get done in 5 minutes. It takes time to take off the pressure and be still. It takes time to remember who God is. It takes time to truly surrender our thoughts, desires and hunches. And it takes time to specifically pray. “Do you want me to take this job?” “Is now the time to move?” If it’s a complex decision, try and break it down into parts: “Do you want us to move, Lord?” Should we move now or wait?” Complex decisions are better handled in bite size pieces.

If you feel you are receiving guidance from the Holy Spirit, then ask Him to confirm it. God speaks through His Word, His People, Circumstances and Prayer. Look for all four areas to line up.

If you haven’t heard anything, try another round of prayer. If clarity isn’t coming, come back tomorrow. Most decisions don’t need to be made right this instant, and if someone won’t give you time to pray about it, then my advice is to say no. However, if a decision truly needs to be made now, then ask God to come into your decision and to block your path if you haven’t chosen well.

I’ve also noticed that when we aren’t getting the answers we seek, it’s because God wants us to be asking a different question. Quite often God wants to address a different issue in our lives first, and He will be silent on the one matter until we let Him speak on the other. I’ve noticed in my life, I’ll go to God because I really want some direction, but He wants to talk to me about a relationship that’s gone sour. I don’t want to deal with the relationship, so I won’t talk to God about it. But He won’t talk to me about what I want until I talk to Him about what He wants. And I’ve learned that I can’t argue with God and win.

A sample prayer for this situation:
Holy Spirit- is there something else you want to say to me? Is there something you want to address before you speak to this? What should I be focused on right now – what do you want to speak to? Shine your light on that; make it clear to me. I surrender the process and I allow you to speak into whatever it is you want to speak into.

I hope this helps. There is a way things work. There is a way prayer works. There is a way praying for guidance works.

I look forward to processing more thoughts and sharing them with you in future blogs.